The “official” anniversary of the Lewinsky scandal is Jizzuary 17. But since the man who broke it, Matt Drudge, is already linking to a retrospective, we are forced as writers to follow his lead. After the jump, a celebration in time line form of the famous blowjob scandal.
January 17, 1998: Drudge breaks story about Newsweek sitting on Michael Isikoff’s story of the decade about “Clinton and the Intern.”
January 18, 1998: Now we have to read Drudge in order to get information, according to the law.
January 26, 1998: Bill Clinton says he did not have sexual relations with that woman. Kind of true, since Lewinsky may have had a wang.
January 27, 1998: Hillary scoffs at “vast right-wing conspiracy;” launches covert exploratory committee for presidency.
February – June, 1998: Ken Starr masturbates twice-daily over tricksey grand jury statements from the prostitute Monica Lewinsky.
July 28, 1998: Monica Lewinsky turns over blue jizz rag to investigators.
July 29, 1998: President Clinton gets sad :(
August 17, 1998: Clinton’s like, OK, she polished my knob a little bit, so impeach me already.
Dickcember 19, 1998: Gingrich all like, OK maybe I will, Demrat.
February 12, 1999: Clinton gets to stay President! Pants party of the century!
Legacy in 2008: The Iraq war; girls more willing to give head during hookups. So a mixed bag.