As you made your New Year’s Resolution this (last?) year, did you take into account what THE LORD OUR GOD may have wanted you to decide? Oh you did? Well you were probably wrong. Because Pat Robertson spoke directly to God and got the old man’s resolution, as he informed viewers on his teevee program today. In case you forgot to TiVo it, God’s plan is simple and generous (you know God!): He’s “going to give us China.”
Robertson’s announcement followed a necessary introduction from 700 Club co-anchor, Terry Meeuwsen, just so we wouldn’t think Robertson is making shit up (from HuffPo):
Each year, just before the first part of the year, Pat (Robertson) goes off alone with the Lord and then comes back to share with us what the Lord has shown him about the coming year.
Shit shit shit! It’s gonna be that Hillary wins, isn’t it? Although God would TOTALLY say something like that just to fuck with us. Just get it over with, Robertson!:
What I’m praying about is China. I’m asking for 250 million in China. We haven’t had that breakthrough yet but I think we’re going to get it. God’s going to give us China. And China will be the largest Christian nation on the face of the earth. They’re going to come to Jesus.
I can understand 250 million Christians in China, but only because China will likely invade and absorb the US this year. They’ll take Canada too; might as well while they’re over here. So in this sense, China will have 250 million new Christians. Good call Pat/God Team!