Wonkette
Hi everybody, it’s your old friend Ken Layne. So I went on vacation a couple months ago, and then I saw three triangular UFOs over Shirley MacClaine’s house, and the next thing I remember was the picket line outside the Wonkette office building, which is actually an abandoned Chinese buffet restaurant next to a Payday Loan place in Prince George’s County.
And then I heard the writer’s strike still hadn’t ended, but my “life partner” Jay Leno was coming back to work anyway, so people could finally fall asleep again, and now I’m back at Wonkette, as Editor.
2008 will be a “slow year” for political news, but we’ll make the best of it. Welcome back to your cubicle, everybody. According to the news I just looked at for the first time since Halloween, John McCain and America are back. (Megan & Jim & Greg & Elise & Justin, is Ralph Nader running again? Let me know. And Ron Paul dropped out of the race, right? Some kind of lightsaber accident?)
Comments
Welcome back.
Are you feeling tan, rested and ready?
Don't worry. It'll pass.
Welcome back, Ken. Is there enough room in that veal pen for that many writers?
Ken's back! Ken's back! Welcome back, Ken!
Uh, did JCJr get a real-world job again? I never got tired of his NYT and Daily Variety work. We'll miss him.
@ragingmonk: With JC gone, who are all the typos in the headlines going to get blamed on?
Yay!
Welcome back! Help keep Wonkette as the first draft of history!
(I may be first up against the wall when you cull the herd - still I'd like to add my sycophantic but sincere well-wishes.)
First thing in NWO, though, could you get the spell checker to recognize Wonkette?
Welcome back Ken.
Is it wise to be changing leaders in the midst of a war? Looked how well it worked out of the US America when they left W in charge... Uh, never mind.
@momodo: Greg the Intern, obs.
Good to have you back, Ken. The blasphemy quota has been way down since you left--also the number of commenters told to go fuck themselves whenever they offer editorial comrrections on a post. I look foward to seeing the devil cat avatar once again.
Wonkette has an office?
@rptrcub: Must be virtual, like the virtual bar and the virtual hot tub.
Wait, Wonkette has an office? I just assumed you guys had your meetings over Gchat and blogged at home in your underwear like all good new media types do. Any General Tso's left in there for me?
Welcome back, Ken!
Welcome back!
Meh, Layne, my old nemesis. Back again, eh? We'll see about that....
@ragingmonk: In the future, all business places will be virtual, and our captains of industry will cavort around Second Life with expensive furry avatars wearing digital Armani suits.
Please get E. M. Zanotti as a guest contributor soon. She and the neokrayzee who looks like Bob Woodward's illegitimate son are both in the running for a spot on the NYT OP-Ed page. This treasure must not be lost.
Nice to see you once again.
That was some John Lennon week-end bender you were on.
The only thing that would make me happier (and more nauseous) would be if Huckabee got caught giving Chuck Norris a rimjob. I eagerly anticipate the increased anger and profanity that will ensue.
OMG! OMG! OMG! Ken, you're back! No snark here, just a hearty welcome back...
P.S. Does this mean that I can ease up on my sending "tips" to Wonkette from the LA Times and SF Chronicle and get back to my day job?
@NotJonah: That's just another typo - Wonkette actually has an orifice.
Good to hear from ya, Ken-o. Can you bring back the typing monkeys that allow us to preview our comments?
Oh, and sorry about all the empties we left littered about. Heckuva Blowvember and Dickcember, ya know.
does this mean assfucking tags are back too?
Yay! Ow, now my head hurts.
Welcome back, Ken. How was rehab?
The new team has grown on me. They've just settled into their own style -- which of course means time for a management change!
Nonetheless, welcome back Ken. If for nothing else, I miss reading your writing.
you came back, just like jesus!
It makes me think that maybe all the tears I shed at your departure were worth the joy of your return. OK, enough smoochie. Bring out your freshly-sharpened knives and get back to work.
ken! we (i) never forget our first wonkette love.
great to 'see' you again.
and remember: relapse is an expected part of recovery.
welcome back!
yay
@wobblie: So Wonkette's orifice is an abandoned Chinese buffet.
Hmm, I think I'll have have Italian for lunch now.
going "on vacation" for a couple of months didn't work out for me either - welcome back!
Hell yeah! Great to have you back, Ken.
It occurs to me that you may have seen the coming Paultard War, like that Roosevelt dude 58 years ago, and decided to lay low for awhile. I don't blame you. They are a humorless lot with a singular and relentless message: the internet makes you stupid.
Oh hi everybody! Thanks. Now it appears I am supposed to "make posts about politics." So there's a downside, too.
Who is Ken Layne?
Who is Ken Layne? Ken Layne is AWESOME.
Welcome back.
Hurray! Devil kitty is back! Can we maybe now see a reduction in the word "totes" and posts on how to get banned?
@DWSUWF:
Google Ken Layne.
Join the reVITRIOLution!
Oh Ken, my existential crisis is now over. Best New Year ever. Now whenever I think I'm the bitchiest person in the world, I can look at Wonkette again and stand corrected. Whatever happened to Vitter? Isn't that your beat?
Diane Lane is back? Does she have a new movie coming out?
Welcome back Ken... sorry to hear about the having to make posts about politics thing... you must read that fine print next time.
@PrizePig: Too pedestrian. I went with a Ken Layne googlism. Too many entries to include here, but a few selections:
"ken layne is known as citizen layne at online journalism review
ken layne is a southerner
ken layne is still a fricking weasel
ken layne is up in the middle of the night beating us to the punch on all the good stories
ken layne is up in the middle of the night bringing his credo into the new year
ken layne is correct to point out that the internet existed before 11 september
ken layne is an automotive instructor at parkland college in champaign illinois
ken layne is upset on behalf of his friend
ken layne is a thug
ken layne is marrying my other dear friend laura crane in mexico this weekend
ken layne is broke
ken layne is wrong
ken layne is number 4
ken layne is debuting a new column on fox news
ken layne is now the biggest ken in the world
Welcome back, Ken. I am pretty sure the news for the next 11 months is going to suck and we're going to end up with an even bigger moron as President, but at least I know we be laughing all the way...
Wot, you threw JClarke to the wolves?
Hooray! The funny one is back!
@marcelparcells:
There goes the neighborhood.
Ken:
"Who The Fuck Are YOU?"!
Wonkette is the abandoned Chinese place? No wonder my letters come back -- that rascal Megan said the Wonkette office was on the other side, in back of the Nail Palace.
oh hai! hooray for assfucking tags!
Wait? Is that the abandoned Chinese buffet on Oxon Hill Road? Across from the K-Mart?
Nick Farr: First seen, Oct 2007. Last seen, late December, 2007. Just sayin'.
Good Lord! It's a freaking revolving door over at Wonkette-Central. Who can keep track of it all?
(sigh) I was so hoping lil Annie Marie would come back in her hot little skirts when Time dissolves into a redchinese owned used car catalogue.....(sigh)
(Little round head girl really should have red hair)
@zyxkonrad: JClarke? Who is this JClarke you speak of? We have always been at war with Eastasia.
Oh great, now we have to kiss up to the new editor again! Personally, I'd prefer the title of West Coast Bureau Chief, but hey, it's your resume.
Haven't heard from you since we thought Princess Sparkle Pony was a girl, and Josh only did comics. My, how the time flies when you're having rum, er, I mean fun.
If you need help settling into your new role/orifice/halfway house, we're here for ya.
Welcome Back!
@Edsdesk: Original Wonkette (sigh). I guess she's like the Stu Sutcliffe of the site, there at the hard early days, helped establish the look and then . . . gone.
I can never remember, is Ken the Asian-looking one or the nancy-boy looking one?
@baked: Our first Wonkette love is pandas up the ass, but yeah.
@lascauxcaveman: The nancy-boy. (takes one to know one)
The Paultard plan to infiltrate Libtard rag Wonkette is a success! Huzzah Paultards! Huzzah Consternutions! Onward to Jalopnik and the hegemonic Nickdenton empire! Exclamation points for everybody!
Yes! Once again, the secret cabal of alien shape-shifting reptiles who control the military-industrial complex and populate the British royal family have something to fear my friends!
Yea Ken is back!
Bring the funny Ken, bring it hard.
@EWALDA: Good observation, although I think Ken has a thing against all caps and too many exclamation points, of which General Farr was a repeat (if delicious) offender.
Welcome back, Ken. Good to see that worthwhile alt-text will be coming back.
Oh, and that other writing shit that you do as well.
Hi,Ken. Glad you have come home. We missed you.
So, should we be expecting ANOTHER round of cullings?
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