Bush To Check Out This 'World' Everyone's Whining About

Apparently, the president has caught wind of the fact that his visionary leadership has driven world opinion of This Great Nation into the shitter, forcing American students all over the world to act Canadian. And Bush will spend calendar year 2008 traveling abroad to restore our tattered image. Or at least that's the angle in this Bloomberg story. We have to admit guys, we're skeptical.

Since Bush has, you know, nothing to do here in Washington on account of being totally irrelevant to the legislative process except for demanding money for war and vetoing medicine for sick children, he's putting on his "senior statesman" hat (weird though, it has beer cans afixed to either side) and will set world opinion about his policies straight, just in time for President Rev. Huckabee to lead us into the End of Days in 2009. But the White House wants you to know that this isn't some kind of pussy-ass diplomatic trip. This is the kind with balls of steel.

"We want to be well-perceived in the world," [Deputy National Security Adviser Jim] Jeffrey said in an interview. "But more importantly, we want to formulate policies that will protect the American people."

Really? Since when? Are you referring to the six years spent invading, torturing and bombing? Yes, nine months of traveling should clear that right up.

When Bush was having his little "peace talks" or whatever in Annapolis a few weeks ago, did any of you think that maybe he lacks the kind of diplomatic credibility that might be required to broker peace between Palestine and Israel? Maybe it's related to the fact that he's never fucking even been there . Don't worry though, POTUS is on it. Next month, at the beginning of his final year in office, he's going to go and scope the sitch. He also plans on spinning by Kuwait, Bahrain, the United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia and Egypt, you know, as a follow up. I hear they have pretty decent falafel over there, you might want to check it out, you know, so at least some small thing of meaning will come from your little trip. Jackass.

 Bush Seeks to Restore Tattered U.S. Image With Heavy '08 Travel [Bloomberg]