Commenter General Farr Leads Blimp Day Raid!

rattledWar on Paultards Commenter General Nick Farr led an ambush today on the unsuspecting enemy, which was busy celebrating the launch of its half-baked blimp. As you can see in the above screenshot from Justin TV’s divine chat room, General Farr’s ambush rattled some Blimptard sabers, and hopefully the blimp will fall now.

To commemorate General Farr’s brave sacrifice in the Blimp Day Offensive, we’re going to publish another one of his ceaselessly long, unedited and vicious rants. Read up, after the jump.

Paultards are humorless, hypocrites, racists, hilarious

God dammit I fucking hate it when I miss a good fight. Like last night’s “fight in the parking lot after class”. It was fucking beautiful. Some “gay PhD” government teat sucking-then-rejecting Paultard alternated between “you are a bunch of gay bashing dumb asses” to “I am right because it took me twelve years to get eight years of education and I built the internet you fucking faggots.”

A fucking Paultard wanting it both ways. Again. Jeebus fuck, can any of you people just stand on one side of an issue for five goddamned fucking minutes? Can any of you grasp reality for five goddamned fucking minutes and make a halfway intelligent argument? Can you possibly manage to not whine about us “making personal attacks” right before you launch into a personal attack? You people make Scientologists off their meds look well adjusted. (Proud Paultard, this generally excludes your Log Cabin Libertarian ass, even though you’ve been getting really fucking lazy lately.)

To the brave Wonketteer comrades who waged battle well into the good drinking hour–right the fuck on. To those of you who missed it, let’s hope this rant into the “issues” of the War on Paultards brings the Paultards out for a daylight melee in celebration for the launching of the Paultardenburg to help us all get our NORFED on. Yippie-kay-yay, motherfuckers.

Issue One: Paultards are humorless.

Wonkette is “the DC Gossip.”: That means it can alternate from ass fucking to serious political commentary on a whim and go right back again whenever the fuck it wants to. Lighten the fuck up. For a bunch of potheads, you guys get your Paultard panties twisted quite regularly.

Wonkette does not endorse candidates–it makes fun of them all because that’s the fucking point.

Wonkette is after pageviews, profit and good times. Wonketteers really don’t give a furry flying FUCK if your feelings get hurt in the process. Wonkette could care less whether or not the blimp flies, doesn’t fly, crashes, teabags, goes up with one banner or two, or gets shoved up someone’s ass for sexual gratification. In any of these scenarios, Wonkette will find a way to make fun and profit out of it. As I said, that’s kind of the point.

Issue Two: Paultards cannot fact check.

Paultard: “The majority of all military donations go to [Ron Paul]”

Reality: Ron Paul slightly leads among those who disclose themselves as affiliates of the military, though this primarily means retirees who can afford to throw $500 at him. Through the last reporting cycle Ron Paul collected $63,440 in donations from current military employees and several retired military personnel. Barack Obama got $53,968. And if you look at the record, Obama actually is getting more individual contributions from military members than Ron Paul. Of course, I could tell the Paultards to go read about it, but the standard Paultard response would be to admit statistical error while launching a personal attack.

Which leads me to Issue Three: Paultards are blatant fucking hypocrites.

Paultard: “[Whatever I happen to not like about the government] is unconstitutional! We are a Republic founded in laws! Our government does not follow these laws and is corrupt! Only Ron Paul can restore our liberty!”

Just so I have one constitutional reference point for you dumbasses (in order of appearance):

The constitution says:

1) NORFED dollars can be banned if Congress wants to. (Article I, Section 8)
2) Habeas Corpus can be suspended, “when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it.” (Article I, Section 9)
3) It’s the Freedom to PEACEABLY ASSEMBLE, not storm a private fundraiser and call foul because they ripped you off for $5. (1st Amendment).
4) While we’re on the first amendment, all it says is, ” Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech.” It does not say, “Congress must deny the property rights of others to provide you a platform to showcase yourself as the irrational fucking idiot you are.” (1st Amendment)
5) Anchor babies are citizens, whether or not you like it. (14th Amendment)
6) Congress can tax the fuck out of you, no matter what kind of bullshit argument you come up with. (16th Amendment)

Now that I’ve said that, do I point out how hypocritical it is that you want to change the bedrock principle of birthright citizenship, while at the same time spouting off at the mouth about returning to constitutional values?

For those of you who go off about how Ron Paul doesn’t change his views, why did he write, in 1987 that the US shouldn’t have an immigration policy and “should welcome everyone who wants to come here and work”?

So, we’ve gone from the free market, anti-regulation argument of no immigration policy to changing the constitution to end “anchor babies?”


Really thought that one through, didn’t you?

This is the argument of a racist. Why? Because you’re all being really fucking irrational about it. What separates all of your Cracker immigrant asses from those seeking work in our country? Let me break it down for you:

1) They’re brown
2) Their ancestors have been on this continent longer than you have
3) They work harder

On a lighter note, I should probably get to Issue Four (before you all stop reading): Paultards are Hilarious. I can’t really explain this one. If you don’t get it why all this shit is funny, then you’re a Paultard. Said and done.

Let the trolling commence, we’re about to get our NORFED on.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


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