Guns Don’t Kill People, But Farts Might

William Hoover might’ve had some Taco Bell or something for dinner before he stopped by the Wheeler’s Beverage Store in Southport, New York on Sunday night, but who’s to say, really. Witnesses, however, report that whatever Billy-boy ate left an impression on them (and possibly a stain on his pants). Unable to cope with the humiliation of everyone knowing that he farted, he went outside to his car and retrieved his semi-automatic rifle to eliminate all the witnesses. He’s in jail, but, when he gets out, Wonkette has some advice: if you squeeze your ass cheeks together really hard, you can truly stave off a fart. Also, um, calling Mike Mukasey? There’s at least one more dude to add to that list of crazy people who shouldn’t have guns. Thanks! [WETMTV.com]