Jesus, how old do you have to be to even recognize this terrible goddamned song? This was a big hit by Tony Danza in 1980, originally about something almost as sordid as closeted-gay Republican senators sucking off cops through public-bathroom glory holes: Basically, people living in poorly-constructed ’70s apartment buildings would stomp on the floor to let the poor people living below that it was time to fuck each other. This went on all the time, apparently, until the “Reagan Revolution” turned everybody queer.
Sing along with Larry Craig and George Michael, the famous bathroom goblins of their respective countries. Somebody obviously spent like 15 minutes on this, so it would be cruel to say “We wish Larry Craig would just kill himself already so we wouldn’t have to watch any more lame YouTube videos about Larry Craig,” but that would be rude.
And what a tragedy for Bristol trip-hop stars Portishead to end up being the sad soundtrack for a Larry Craig impersonator trying to get some action from the guy in the next stall — a guy wearing sandals. Jesus, when is that Iranian dude going to nuke us for our sins? Soon, right?
Well, everybody loves muppets, and muppets love the gays, but everybody hates Republican closet cases, so here’s this important message featuring faux-muppets singing in faux-muppet voices to a jaunty show tune about how Larry Craig’s gay. Bonus points for showing the muppeteers with their hands up the muppets’ asses.
And finally, this is just awesome — if forcing beloved children’s characters into terrible Larry Craig The Sun God Rape Monster situations can be accurately described as “awesome.”
Run Teletubbies! Run! [YouTube]
If Larry Craig were gay [YouTube]
Senator Larry Craig’s Guide to Mensroom “Signals” [YouTube]
Sen. Larry Craig “TapThree Times” [YouTube]
Larry Craig Karaoke Sing-Along! [YouTube]