Idaho Bathroom Goblin Larry Craig is appealing the ruling against his stupid attempt to undo his guilty plea for “disruptive behavior” in the Minneapolis airport’s cruisy toilet. The good times are back, people! In order to continue providing humor to America, Gay Senator Craig and his “wife” are doing the local and national television interview rounds, including a sure-to-be-hilarious appearance on NBC’s Today Show on Wednesday. Larry is gayly taking down what’s left of his party with him by bitchily attacking Mitt Romney and basically daring the Senate minority leadership to put a bullet in his head and dump his body behind a Boise truck stop with the “Super Tuber” recipe taped to his shoes.
“It is my right to do what I’m doing,” Gay Larry said in a Boise TV interview on Sunday. “I’ve already provided for Idaho certainty that Idaho needed. I’m not running for re-election. I’m no longer in the way. I am pursuing my constitutional rights.”
And he is being totally accurate, as efforts to put a gay-marriage ban in the Constitution have utterly failed.
What about Mitt Romney? Remember, Gay Larry was Mitt’s Man in Idaho until what everybody in Washington and Idaho has known for like 25 years finally went “public” during our long Endless Cummer of 2007.
“He not only threw me under his campaign bus,” Gay Larry said of Mitt, “He backed up and ran over me again.” Well, Mormons aren’t exactly tolerant of your lifestyle!
Craig also claims he should’ve told “my kids” about how he got caught trying to get some public-restroom cock in the Minneapolis airport restroom infamous for being a gay pickup spot. But Larry doesn’t have any kids! They were adopted, by his “wife.”
How is Larry’s beard, anyway? She will appear on the NBC segment, and the NY Daily News reports she’ll provide this ridiculous quote:
“I felt like the floor was falling out from under me,” Suzanne Craig said. “I felt … almost like I was going down a drain for a few moments.”
Nothing like a little more bathroom imagery to soothe a shattered nation suddenly scared to death of all public toilets.