Loathsome ratface Rudy Giuliani is still in England, hanging around what’s left of Maggie Thatcher and making bizarre outlandish claims to the British, because he thinks they’re all idiots, too. This is what he told reporters yesterday: “I’m probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world.” Rudy’s such a delusional pompous asshole that he probably believes this, but of course he couldn’t be more wrong.
Rudy Giuliani is an already forgotten blip on the grand radar screen of history, a hated and amoral cretin who — because he stubbornly and idiotically put New York City’s emergency center inside the city’s primary terrorist target and had to stand around outside once the planes hit that target — was on teevee a lot on 9/11. That’s it. That is his great achievement, alongside his earlier achievements of making his various families hate his guts, announcing his intention to divorce one of his wives during a press conference, having his thugs shoot and sodomize brown and black people all over New York, and turning the awful murder of 3,000 Americans into his own private wealth factory.
Anyway, he’s not on anybody’s list of Famous Americans. We checked. He’s not even on the list of Famous New Yorkers.
* According to Lydia Steinberg in the New York Jewish Herald, famous New Yorkers include such well-known people as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Tom Cruise, Rosie O’Donnel, Billy Joel, Franklin Roosevelt, Barbra Streisand, Walt Whitman and Tupac Shakur. Rudy’s not in the top four nor the top five because he’s nowhere to be found on the whole list.
* According to the Second Graders’ Famous Americans site, the Top Five famous Americans are George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Susan B. Anthony, Helen Keller and Jackie Robinson. No Rudy, again, anywhere.
* In Russia, the best-known Americans are Bill Clinton, George Bush Sr. and/or George W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy and George Washington. Michael Jackson and Monica Lewinsky (?!) round out the Top Ten, while Rudy is again absent.
* At Biography.com, the current top searches are for Luciano Pavarotti, Oprah Winfrey, Chuck Norris (fuck yeah!), Brandon Lee and Leona Helmsley. Where’s Rudy? Not here!
* The “Famous People” collection of online biographies features information on such famous Americans as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Capone, Abraham Lincoln, Ben Franklin, Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, Elvis Presley, Dr. Seuss, Dr. Dre, Henry Kissinger, Jimi Hendrix, Laura Bush, Justin Timberlake, Shaquille O’Neal, the Wright Brothers, Will Smith and Bill Clinton. Oh hey guess where Rudy is? Not here, anywhere, let alone in the “top four or five.”
* No Rudy on “Famous Birthdays,” either, because he’s not even really famous, and not even in America, where few people can even remember when his beloved terror attacks occurred.
* TIME Magazine’s 100 people who defined the century includes such famed Americans as Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Eleanor Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra and even a cartoon character, Bart Simpson. But no Rudy! Oh wait maybe that’s because the TIME 100 list covered the last century … which ended just nine months and eleven days before Rudy’s brief moment of teevee glory.
* A San Diego Union-Tribune blogger spent two minutes coming up with a long list of Americans far more famous than Rudy ever was or will ever be: “George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, George H.W. Bush, Teddy Kennedy, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Tom Hanks, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Sylvester Stallone, Clint Eastwood, Robert Redford, Julia Roberts, Bruce Springsteen, Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Shaq, Kobe, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Hakeem Olajuwon (yes, he’s a U.S. citizen), Carl Lewis, Lance Armstrong, Jack Nicklaus.”
* And despite the only “commitment” in life he ever kept — enriching himself by exploiting the murder of 3,000 Americans — he’s not even one of the Top Five richest Americans. He’s not even in the Top Hundred, or Top Four Hundred.
Giuliani: I’m Among Best Known Americans [AP/Forbes]