Wonkette

So there’s this new book about Bush, because we’ve been tragically underserved when it comes to books about how horrible everything has been since January 2001. In the new tell-all, “Dead Certain,” we learn that maybe some of the White House disasters of the past seven years were actually the fault of George W. Bush himself, with a lot of help from the rest of the inept-yet-criminal clowns.* Karl Rove didn’t want Cheney as vice president.
* Rove also didn’t want Miers getting that doomed Supreme Court nomination.
* So Rove wasn’t nearly as powerful as previously thought, or else he was very powerful in realms that didn’t involve Dick Cheney or Harriet Miers.
* To this day, nobody can figure out what the deal is with Harriet Miers. Does she give good handjobs or something? Make really tasty coffee? Total mystery.
* Bush also loves tube steak: “I’ll have a hot dog. Low fat hot dog.”
* He also “pops pieces of cheese” into his mouth all the time.
* And ice cream.
* And chocolate.
* All because he desperately craves the sugar in booze, which he claims he no longer drinks.
* After babbling a lot of dumb, incomprehensible bullshit about Iran, he says with a straight face: “That’s what I mean by strategic thought.”
* Bush now claims that after his impeachment and inevitable pardon, he will build a “Fantastic Freedom Institute,” in Dallas, which will be run by the Fantastic Four.
* Bush says “I do a lot of crying on this job.” So do we, motherfucker, so do we.

Dead Certain (excerpts) [Slate]
Bush in new book: ‘I do a lot of crying in this job’ [CNN]