Are you having public-restroom closet-case gay-sex hysteria? Are you suddenly horrified by grown men getting impossibly weird kicks behind every bathroom door? Welcome to America’s Newest Freakout. Forget about wiretapping and Iraq and creeping fascism and all that, because what the United States really needs right now is a good old-fashioned nationwide scare over the public toilets. Even people working on Capitol Hill aren’t immune to the Endless Cummer panic, and most everybody on the Hill is either gay or a closet case!
Here’s a shocking and possibly true e-mail sent exclusively (maybe?) to Wonkette:
I work in an office near the Hill. This morning I went to the men’s room. I’m sitting in the stall, doing Sudoku, when suddenly a leather wingtip shod foot crosses into my space. It can’t be. Then a hand (no gold ring) lovingly touches the bottom of the barrier between the two stalls. I hurry up. Then, as I’m about to flush, I notice the formerly leather clad foot is now only wearing a sock and it is being slowly peeled off. OH MY GOD!!!! Which Senator is this (please don’t let it be a Democrat).
It wasn’t. It turns out to be my buddy from the office. It was a joke to scare me. The whole office is still laughing. I’m still shaking. If only it was Jim Inhofe. Will this nightmare ever end?
Okay, first of all, our new code word for getting some action in the stalls is “doing Sudoku.”
Second of all, if your buddy from the office comes on to you (or comes on you) in the restroom, is it really a joke to scare you?
Well, if the whole office is laughing, the answer is Yes. But pretty much, wingtips=closet case. Sorry.
Carry on, everyone!