Tucker Carlson: Another Tragic Victim of Sexual Assault

You want a piece of this? - WonketteWhen Tucker Carlson and his buddy beat up that old queer dude in the bathroom, it was … uh … well Tucker was … a victim, that’s right! So stop calling him a gay-bashing hooligan who should’ve gone to jail for a hundred years, you damned libtards. Jeez. Can’t a couple of high-school punks beat up an old homo now and then? Anyway, the libtard outrage caused by, uh, Tucker Carlson bragging about smashing some guy’s skull in a public bathroom has forced Tucker to bravely release a statement.

“Let me be clear about an incident I referred to on MSNBC last night: In the mid-1980s, while I was a high school student, a man physically grabbed me in a men’s room in Washington, DC. I yelled, pulled away from him and ran out of the room. Twenty-five minutes later, a friend of mine and I returned to the men’s room. The man was still there, presumably waiting to do to someone else what he had done to me. My friend and I seized the man and held him until a security guard arrived.

Several bloggers have characterized this is a sort of gay bashing. That’s absurd, and an insult to anybody who has fought back against an unsolicited sexual attack. I wasn’t angry with the man because he was gay. I was angry because he assaulted me.”

Where is this mysterious “friend,” anyway? Seems like he should be questioned, too.

Tucker Carlson Knows Damage Control, Doesn’t Have Much Of A Memory [Queerty]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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