Last June, Larry Craig, the Senator who was publicly outed to absolutely no ensuing scandal, was arrested for “lewd conduct” in a men’s room at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. He pleaded guilty on August 8, paid $500, got out of the 10-day jail sentence, and was given a year of probation. His office referred to the incident — and this is all from Roll Call so you can’t accuse us of making this bizarre quote up — as a “he said/he said misunderstanding.” They claim they’ll explain what they mean by this later today, when they come up with a convincing lie.
Larry Craig was outed as a secret gay by blogger Mike Rogers last year. As this was in the midst of Cocktober, no one really noticed. We did like one post on it and then forgot it basically forever. Mike promised more hilarious stories — we kept hearing about the Union Station bathrooms — but no one cared without specifics and maybe hilarious video.
Here are some of our favorite details from this particular story:
* “At one point during the interview, Craig handed the plainclothes sergeant who arrested him a business card that identified him as a U.S. Senator and said, ‘What do you think about that?’ the report states.”
* “At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area,” the report states.
* “Craig then proceeded to swipe his hand under the stall divider several times, and Karsnia noted in his report that ‘I could … see Craig had a gold ring on his ring finger as his hand was on my side of the stall divider.’”
But wait, there’s a very simple explanation for all of this!
In a recorded interview after his arrest, Craig “either disagreed with me or ‘didn’t recall’ the events as they happened,” the report states.
Craig stated “that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine,” the report states. Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor.
“It should be noted that there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper,” the arresting officer said in the report.
On Aug. 8, the day he pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in the Minnesota court, Craig appeared via satellite at a ceremony that took place in Idaho in which former Idaho federal Judge Randy Smith was invested into his new position as a judge on the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.
You see, it was all just a simple he said/he said misunderstanding! Because Larry Craig was under the impression that the other gentleman wanted to have anonymous sex with him in an airport bathroom.
To be honest, we feel bad for poor Larry Craig — the cop didn’t even give him time to whip it out! Dude shoulda fought the case! Because we would’ve liked to have seen this drawn out as long as possible.
Yeah we’ve put out similar calls before but now would be a good time to send us all your Larry Craig stories and rumors.
Update: Fixed Craig’s state in the headline. It was, uh… a joke. Yeah. Simple he said/he said misunderstanding.