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Yesterday, the Washington City Paper ran a cover story about Late Night Shots, DC’s finest closed social networking site for UNC grads who work hard to maintain that special mix of date rape, shitty beer, and racial homogeneity that is the Georgetown nightlife. The LNSers got mad and left funny comments. Yesterday, we looked at their City Paper comment tirades. Today, we move, once more, to the belly of the beast — the LNS forums themselves.

There are at least two separate threads claiming that lawsuits against the City Paper, Valdez, Eric Wemple, and probably Wonderland for good measure are underway. There are at least three threads dedicated to posting and reposting Angela Valdez’s contact information, calling her MySpace picture ugly, and claiming she has herpes. But most of all, there is whining and revisionist history. John Tabacco, the gentleman who refused the finish the interview without a handjob, has become their glorious martyr.

What really happened to Tabacco in the Article
Posted By: Tom Brokaw on 07-13-2007 11:47 am Report as shockingly offensive

Tabacco: “Lady, why are you in this bar asking me loaded questions about some anonymous Internet message board. No, I don’t like anal sex. Do you like anal sex. Do you want to have anal sex or something? What the hell are you talking about?”

He had no idea she was even a reporter and she was not writing anything down. And then she called his mother to read her the quote.

RE: What really happened to Tabacco in the Article
Posted By: As a side note on 07-13-2007 11:47 am Report as shockingly offensive

He does not even live in DC.

RE: What really happened to Tabacco in the Article
Posted By: ok on 07-13-2007 11:50 am Report as shockingly offensive

I don’t believe that.

Meanwhile, LNSers have got to find some way to make their outrage known while they wait for their high-profile lawsuit to reach the courts.

RE: The Solution to the City Paper Article
Posted By: how about on 07-13-2007 10:02 am Report as shockingly offensive

every time you pass a city paper distribution location, take all of them and throw them in the trash. if everyone did this for a month or two, we would run it out of business.

Utter illegality aside, that’s a great idea! Then when they’ve thrown away every copy of the newspaper they can find the computer that the internet is kept on and unplug it.

But Valdez, that lying tramp — what, exactly, were her motives?

RE: The Solution to the City Paper Article
Posted By: Rick the Dick on 07-13-2007 10:38 am Report as shockingly offensive

Valdez is the smame kind of pink-o who claimed a rape occured at Duke last year. Lose the note pad and pick up a vacuum.

When discussing the real circumstances behind the fictionalized and sensational City Paper account, it’s still important to have your terms properly defined.

RE: Angela Valdez: The Real Story
Posted By: decker on 07-12-2007 5:47 pm Report as shockingly offensive

she tried to do interviews at the deck, we tossed her hippie ass out of there

RE: Angela Valdez: The Real Story
Posted By: um on 07-12-2007 5:48 pm Report as shockingly offensive

hippie?

RE: Angela Valdez: The Real Story
Posted By: hippie? on 07-12-2007 5:49 pm Report as shockingly offensive

i think you mean hipster.

Getting back to the lawsuit for a second — if libel won’t stick, surely they can pin something else on her?

RE: Legal Offense Fund to sue City Paper
Posted By: Calling someone’s mom on 07-13-2007 2:48 pm Report as shockingly offensive

That is so wrong, it must be illegal to tell some dude’s mom he was talking about anal sex, in whatever capacity.

Of course! That’s it! They can sue her for being mean! We believe that precedent was set in the landmark case of Rickles v. Hockey Puck.

We can be fair, too. Some people on LNS can occasionally manage rational thought.

RE: Legal Offense Fund to sue City Paper
Posted By: CBD! on 07-13-2007 3:06 pm Report as shockingly offensive

This is some of the most pathetic shit I’ve ever read.

It’s cute that everyone wants to band together and throw out some legal theories and decide on which charges to press on this internet chatboard. And it’s also precious that a “legal offense fund” has been started. But it’s embarassingly half-baked, at best.

If those who were allegedly misquoted want to file a frivolous suit that won’t pass summary judgment, let them waste their money.

But enough of this “we” bullshit. Moniker, Lawyers, guns and money: “What can we charge her with?”

Seriously? Just who in the hell are “we”. Are “we” the LNS legal scholars who are going to cite Wikipedia in the motions and briefs? Or it’d be really cute if “we” were filing some sort of LNS class action law suit, since “we” have standing and a claim.

I’ll look forward to the proceedings. This should be fun and make LNS look really good.

As the City Paper fiasco roared into its second day, the frenzy had clearly riled everyone up.

I want to sue someone……
Posted By: hbworldwide on 07-13-2007 2:35 pm Report as shockingly offensive

But not for anything related to the City Paper article or anything in prticular just all of this slander/libel/lawsuit/counter suit/legal schmegal has me fired up. Do you think I have a case.

But let’s give the last word to our old friend MGS, who yesterday taught us we hate LNS for the same reason that the Terrorists Hate America.

Someone please tell this “scholar” that he completely misses the point. Granted, I didn’t spell it out but to be honest, it’s quite simple, really. Jealousy leads to hate and hate leads to tyranny. Stay with me here. The people who hate on LNS do so because they are jealous. This hate is nothing less than a desire for tyranny manifested. How so, you ask? Clearly, people like Valdez are committed anti-establishment, anti-capitalists who don’t approve of the life we choose to live. Even more, they don’t want us to live the life we choose to live. The truth is that they want us to live the life they would choose for us. Is that tyranny? I’ll let you be the judge.

Rather than declaring their true motives upfront, their innate weakness forces them to hide behind an intricately concocted veil of political correctness and social equality. Of course, at first glance it all appears quite noble. They’ll tell you they’re doing it for the “common good”. And who can argue with promoting the common good, after all? Yet when you pull the veil aside, you suddenly begin to see that the end doesn’t jutify the means. No matter what form of government or economy, there are going to be winners and there are going to be losers. And if you’re not winning, you’re losing. Losing sucks. Losing makes you jealous of the winner. You know the rest. In the words of Winston Churchill, “Many forms of government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democratic capitalism is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democratic capitalism is the worst form of government, except for all those others that have been tried from time to time.”

The point is that rich, poor, or whatever, jealousy and hate are traits of the weak and self-victimized. They are a one-way, dead-end road to nowhere. Yet these people are all consumed by it. It allows them to blame others for all that’s wrong with the world, not to mention their own problems. As someone far wiser than myself once told me, “There’s no such thing as a victim. There are only volunteers.”

Stirring. Truly, this post has been a one-way, dead-end road to nowhere. As Churchill once said, “lol @ angry douchebags.”

Crooked Timber wrote a couple fairly spot-on things about the LNS phenomenon.

Perhaps what we have here is the opposite of the “theft of enjoyment”. It is the fear, rather, that one’s claim to have access to superior power and pleasure won’t be acknowledged at all.

The point of a club like Late Night Shots is, in large part, to keep other people out of it. That’s obvious. But those other people have to (be imagined to) want in.

The greatest terror is not that they will try to overthrow you–or even that they might somehow break through the barriers of exclusivity. It’s that the outsider might laugh at the exclusivity.

The site semi-ironically worships the Patrick Bateman ideal, and the fact that they’re both chronologically and geographically far, far removed from that ideal of actual influence, wealth, and power is pretty clearly their major malfunction, “hipster fag” boogiemen aside. We gave up on the Last Week’s Shots feature because, while LNS does describe a specific-to-DC type of douchebag, it’s still just a terribly-designed message board filled with the same sad wealthy fratty post-adolescent lost causes you’d find thousands of in Houston or Atlanta, or any other second-or-third tier city (which, hate to break it to you, DC is).

When they quit crying that the mean free alt-weekly made fun of them and get back to coming up with comical terms for date rape and revealing their intense fear of black people without stock portfolios, maybe we’ll once again give them the attention they so intensely desire. Or not, we’re still pretty bored with them.

IMPORTANT AND HILARIOUS UPDATE

Reed Landry, local hearthrob and Wonkette BFF, posted this disclaimer to the LNS log-in splash page moments ago:

As many of you know, there was an article about LNS which appeared yesterday in the Washington City Paper, a local free newspaper.

Unfortunately, outlets such as The City Paper, Wonkette, WhyIHateDC and other DC blogs have used LNS as a means to incite their base readers. As we have experienced, the characterizations of LNS made by these groups are highly biased and often completely distorted to fit a negative agenda.

When LNS and its events have been profiled by respected publications such as the Washington Post, Washingtonian, Washington Life, and several college newspapers, the story presented is dramatically different. The stories are positive and provide a fair and honest reflection about LNS and its members. LNS has been profiled over a dozen times in legitimate media outlets such as the Washington Post.

We are very proud of both what we have built and the wide-ranging group of people LNS has attracted. The continued growth of the site in terms of membership, daily logins and traffic illustrates that LNS is something that people in Washington DC enjoy and want to be a part of. Contrary to the portrayal in local tabloids, LNS is comprised of individuals in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s who enjoy interacting with one another, exploring the DC social scene, and sharing laughs, both on the website and off.

Thank you for your support. We look forward to continuing to grow and improve the site in the months and years to come.

We have no idea at all how “individuals in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s who enjoy interacting with one another, exploring the DC social scene, and sharing laughs, both on the website and off” could in any sense preclude “rich white douchebags” but there you have it. The Very Special Message is illustrated with this picture:

GET IT?? GET IT?? Because we don’t. Are LNS the Heathers?? Are hipster journalists J.D.?? We would’ve gone with a still from “Some Kind of Wonderful,” personally, but we think that movie’s under-appreciated. Actually, the best possible picture to accompany that heartfelt message would’ve probably been one from the forums themselves. Like, uh…

Just sharin’ some laughs!

Who Will Defend the Children of Privilege? [Crooked Timber]
Members Only [CP]
Earlier: The City Paper/LNS Fallout

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