HOMELAND SECURITY  12:16 pm July 12, 2007

Chertoff’s Sphincter Tells Chertoff’s Gut To Calm Down

by Ken Layne

And his mouth tells him to 'eat brains' ... - WonketteGruesome biological freak and Minister of Fear Mongering Michael Chertoff has a new message today that contradicts his earlier message this week, about The Terror coming to kill us all because Terror, like the Beach Boys, loves summertime.

The confusion, said Chertoff, was due to his talking gut having a different security clearance than his talking internal anal sphincter: Chertoff’s gut gets its intelligence from Die Hard sequels, while the sphincter receives (yet ignores) cabinet-level intelligence briefings.

Meanwhile, a “secret” intel report apparently says that after six years of endless pointless American war and death and destruction that has ruined the entire country, the ostensible target of all that carnage — a loose-knit gang of disgruntled CIA-trained mujahideen originally funded by Jimmy Carter and known as Al Qaeda — is at exactly the level of manpower, planning and funding as it was in 2001.

Chertoff says Qaeda not posing pre-Sept 11 threat [Washington Post]

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