Tonight They Care About Black People, But 17 Months From Now …

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With your host, Britpop faves 'Travis' - WonketteIt’s time, everybody, it’s time! Feel the disconnect as Nightly Business Report segues to PBS Presidential Primary Forums With Tavis Smiley. Ladies and gentlemen, get your cocktails ready.

Come on in, the water sucks.

* Tonight’s debate will actually be 15 minutes long, due to the 45 minutes of investment-fund commercials on commercial-free public television.
* We’re pretty sure this won’t be the debate with the hilarious YouTube questions from rubes; it’s a “serious moment.” Shit.
* We saw a white guy in the audience — it’s like the alternate-universe version of the GOP convention!
* Lie No. 1, from Howard U’s president: “We are all Americans, and we are all engaged.” Actually, many of us are illegal aliens, while very few of us are engaged to or with anything, especially public affairs.
* We missed this guy’s name. He made a joke that was well received (we didn’t hear the actual joke). We already want this guy to host the debate, due to Tavis Smiley being not so smiley.
* There’s an Asian guy in the audience!
* OK, the set tonight is remarkably, eerily similar to the 1970s game-show set pictured at right.
* Sly Stone quotes already?
* Wonkette is not so proud; we would’ve just asked Mr. Smiley for money.
* Remember this when you judge Mitt Romney: Black kids can be Mormon missionaries now, too!
* Hey, speaking of Mitt Romney … wait, what?
* Gov. Patrick wants the candidates to know that they won’t actually be appearing at this debate. But next: The car-wash kids have a spelling bee!
* In the comments, please make your bets on which candidate will have the most ridiculous fake-black voice tonight.
* Mike Gravel got the biggest applause. Take that, Obama!
* Hillary just sorta claimed to be an African-American Latino Woman. Is she wrong?
* Senator Clinton was wisely advised to not try to talk like a southern black woman.
* But she did bring her Selma cliche box.
* There are some fucking kids under my house on Sunset Blvd. racing some kind of motherfucking little motorcycle around in a body-shop parking lot and I am going to fucking kill them, brb.
* If Biden gets through this without making a racist slip ….
* Also his hair plugs fell out.
* Richardson vows to talk about race, when he is president.
* John Edwards wants you to know that he knows some bullshit technical higher-education acronyms.
* An interesting thing is we now actually have six primary school systems in America: terrible urban public schools, terrible rural public schools, pretty bad urban parochial schools, semi-okay suburban and exurban public schools, and secular private/prep schools for the richest 5%.
* Who is making those car-wash kids take notes? Couldn’t somebody just burn ’em a DVD when this crap is over? Step up to the plate, PBS!
* Dennis is totally rocking the Stu 1960 Sutcliffe hairdo.
* Gra-VEL promises we’ll have racism in every century, forever!
* But he’s also crazy enough to talk about the bullshit War On Some Drugs. No wonder he’s popular in this crowd.
* Hey, Mike Gravel and John Paul Stevens are kind of rocking the same bong tonight. Yes!
* You knew who we would’ve liked to see on this panel? Steve Gilliard. Although many candidates may have either stomped off in fury and crawled away in tears.
* Joe Biden is going to personally pluck those toddlers out of the projects and preschool ’em.
* And believe us, Bill Richardson knows the importance of breakfast. And lunch. And happy hour ….
* Is it unfair to wonder if John Edwards could personally buy America’s poor out of poverty?
* Hey, Barack? Dubya said the same bullshit eight years ago. Nobody really believed it then, either.
* Hey, Dennis? We can’t pay for the Iraq War or anything, either. That’s all debt. Debt primarily owned by China, which is sorta taking care of our education problems right now.
* Gravel is going to get all libertarian … maybe … nah.
* Hillary wants to remind you she wrote some crap book a while ago.
* But, again, we complement you on the makeup artist. It really looks nice.
* Michelle who? Ah goddammit we thought it was going to be Malkin.
* The director thought the same thing and cut her mic.
* “Bringing condoms, using needles, penetrating minorities ….” Okay, Bill Richardson is officially running for Hitler.
* New thread, check the front page, okay!
* Here it is!

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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