We Won’t Have a Bald President

* Newt Gingrich murders an old rival. [NYT]
* Dick Cheney wishes he could place electrodes on Iraqi testicles himself. [WP]
* Pat Buchanan is all like, “Brown people are diluting the purity of our precious bodily fluids,” and some Mexican Congressman is all like, “WTF?!?” [Politico]
* Rupert Murdoch keeps buying things, getting richer. NYT]
* Mitt Romney is gaining cred with the dumbest group of voters in the world. [WP]
* Nobody can do favors for donors quite like Jack Murtha. [Roll Call]
* Fat, lazy, old actor with cancer will begin hobbling from state to state in hopes of becoming the next incompetent president of the United States. [The Hill]
* We’ve stopped worrying about the decaying state of the nation and just decided to make some fucking money. [Slate]
* Now that everyone hates the GOP, Barrack Obama wants to make sure that nobody stops taking advantage of religious people in order to become president. [The Hill]
* Though there is a website that suggests that Mitt Romney isn’t “weird,” listening to him talk/looking at home would indicate otherwise. [Politico]