Obama & Walnuts Promise New Wave of Terrible U.S. Riots

So you say I got a dirty mind, I'm a mean go-getter. - WonketteOne fun part of America that’s sadly missing from modern life is the Race Riot. These exciting events were caused by various factors such as race, racism, poverty, white cops hating on black kids, no jobs, the FBI killing MLK, etc. During the 1967 Detroit riots, Governor Romney (always the same people, forever!) called in the Army, and a combined 17,000 troops and cops finally crushed the insurrection after five days. Central Detroit was basically destroyed. Between 1964 and 1971, there were similar riots in DC, LA, New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Cleveland, Baltimore, Kansas City … pretty much every big city and lots of smaller ones, 700 riots in all.

Why did they end, and when will they finally return? Barry and Walnuts have all the answers, after the jump.


Since urban blacks have only become poorer since then, why don’t we still have race riots? Probably because the CIA introduced crack to the ghettos in the 1980s and then all the potential rioters got locked up in jail. Well done, America!

Anyway, now Barry Hussein Obama says if he’s not elected president there are going to be all kinds of horrible new riots because the Bush Administration drowned all those poor blacks in New Orleans.

Also, there is a big riot going on right now, but it’s very very quiet so nobody has noticed: “Those ‘quiet riots’ that take place every day are born from the same place as the fires and the destruction and the police decked out in riot gear and the deaths,” Obama said in Virginia today.

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“They happen when a sense of disconnect settles in and hope dissipates. Despair takes hold and young people all across this country look at the way the world is and believe that things are never going to get any better.”

In other words: Think twice about that townhouse in the “still gentrifying” neighborhood, because that shit’s gonna burn real soon.

And according to people who watch crime statistics for a living, the rapidly increasing income gulf between the urban poor and people like you has already caused the first real increase in violent crime since the relative peace of the Clinton Era began. Big cities where the rich live a block away from the ghetto are suddenly seeing a lot more murder, assault, muggings and robbery.

“Areas where the haves and the have-nots are in close proximity, you’ll find those crimes of opportunity happening more often,” says juvie crime expert Jeffery Butts from the University of Chicago.

Also, Obama notes, all those people made homeless by Katrina are still pretty much stranded wherever they were dropped off in Texas or Utah or whatever, and they are still kind of pissed off. Who would think we’d have permanent refugee camps in America just like in the Gaza Strip or wherever? Thomas Friedman was right after all!

Anyway, that’s what Obama said. Now it’s time to learn what John WALNUTS! McCain thinks about the coming riots.

Asked about the immigration issue — that whole thing about 12 million undocumented Latino workers being allowed by the U.S. Government to slip into the country and provide extremely cheap labor for U.S. industry and agriculture so that unskilled American citizens won’t be able to make a living — McCain did his usual “never answer anything straight” bullshit, but then he basically caved in and admitted the terrible truth:

“In case you hadn’t noticed, the thousands of people who have been relegated to ghettos have risen up and burned cars in France,” McCain said. “They’ve got huge problems in France. They have tremendous problems. The police can’t even go into certain areas in the suburbs of Paris. I don’t want that in the suburbs of America.”

That’s right, Walnuts says America’s elite is basically at the mercy of their gardeners and nannies. Watch it yourself:

If any move is made to strengthen enforcement of immigration laws, 12 million illegal immigrants will riot — in the suburbs! This would be a new kind of riot, but wealthy people in the suburbs are increasingly aware that there are Latino laborers all over the place — cleaning the pool, mowing the grass, watching the baby, cleaning the house, painting the house, repairing the sprinkler system, running the fucking leaf-blower when you’ve got an important conference call, etc.

In many cases, these about-to-riot low-paid workers also have the keys to your house and car and probably even your alarm code. Vote for Walnuts or the servants will revolt!

Obama warns of ‘quiet riot’ among blacks [AP]
John McCain Warns Illegal Immigration Enforcement Could Lead to Riots [Free Republic]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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