* Dick Cheney had another busy week: He stood on a boat yelling at Iran, performed a stunning re-enactment of the Nuremberg Rallies and had his comical midget sidekick entertain the U.S. troops in Iraq. Buy that man an iPod!
* Oh, and our beloved veep is also using his telekinetic powers to kill baby deer in Tacoma, and dress up the corpses like human babies.
* Never mind, he wasn’t really in Baghdad at all!
* The Wolffucker just wants your respect, while Condi just called to say she loves Paul.
* Hey guys, guess who’s in the “cool new people” box on MySpace?
* Why do the Interwebz kidz love libertarian right-winger Ron Paul? Because his Second Life HQ is actually a dope farm!
* Did you hear about the BENCHMARKS? Well, we don’t care.
* Bill Richardson just wants a recurring guest spot on “The Office.”
* Bush appointed another robot-hating racist to replace the dude on the DC Madam’s list. Oh yeah, and Dick Cheney is maybe on her list, too.
* Rudy hates farmers and ferrets. (But he still loves furries.)
* Barry Hussein Obama hates our precious freedoms, such as looking at Britney’s cooch.
* North Dakota Senator Byron Dorgan hates prairie dogs … and helicopters.
* Al Sharpton hates Mormons.
* McCain’s national political director hates WALNUTS!
* Mickey Mouse hates the Jews.
* GOP Hill staffer hates the Blacks.
* Republicans hate their presidential candidates.
* Frenchman Scientologist Mitt Romney hates Mr. Spock’s seven-year itch.
* We say good-bye to Tony Blair, because we hate him.