Wonkette
As a service to Wonkette readers, we boil down the press release from DC Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey (on which she misspells her own name) to what’s really necessary.
| Palfrey Says | We say |
| First, allow me to say how genuinely sorry I am for Mr. Tobias, his family and his friends. I unfortunately know first-hand the impact such a revelation can have upon one’s life. |
Who could have imagined when all this began that there would be no happy ending? Had we anticipated this, clearly he would have been offered a discount. |
| I endeavored diligently for five months…to maintain the confidentiality of the client records…It was only when the Government’s AUSA’s - Catherine Connelly, Daniel Butler and William Cowden - refused every reasonable offer [that I made] the determination to utilize the records for my defense. | We were close to reaching an arrangement with Butler–he seemed pretty into the idea of an “Oklahoma three-way” complete with edible jodhpurs–but ultimately, he totally flaked. |
| Initially, thought was given to raising the requisite funds needed to mount an expensive criminal defense by selling the records. |
I quickly realized: “Oh, that’s right! I make all my money illegally!” |
| It should be noted, the assessment here not to sell the forty-six pounds of telephone invoices was made irrespective of the Court’s order prohibiting me from doing so… |
Forty-six pounds of phone invoices? Why did you weigh it? To make sure it would fit in the National Archives? |
| Nonetheless, the decision ultimately was made to hand over the records to a responsible media outlet, in this case ABC News, in New York. |
ABC News: If we can handle Mark Halperin, what’s another whoremaster? |
| My hope defense witnesses could be found by combing through the information indeed is being realized. |
“Being realized?” This is music to our ears! |
| I am dismayed however, by Mr. Tobias’s refusal to come forward until now with this extremely valuable exculpatory evidence. |
Seriously! What a dick! I totally had him all wrong. |
| As for those however, who disobeyed my directives…and participated in illegal behavior, be they client or subcontractor, I would expect the Government…to charge each and every individual with the crimes of money laundering, racketeering and/or conspiracy, as well. After all, racketeering and conspiracy offenses in particular require two or more parties. |
My special themed “racketeering and conspiracy parties” require six or more participants, and you must provide your own clamps. |
| Allow me to leave you with this thought, if I may. Surely, most people have established by now that mine is a very bizarre case. |
Man, Deborah…you have not been in DC long! |
| I would ask the press and media to put aside the titillation of the “Who’s Who” list - at least in part - and instead investigate the disturbing genesis, the confounding evolution and the equally alarming continuation of this matter. |
Oh, now…that’s just fucking adorable! |
