While We Were Drinking: Election Over, Laci Peterson Trial Still Going On
Oh, again with the things not posted on time. The news cycle waits for no one, including a burned-out Wonkette and her evening news show reporter Neal. Highlights: Bill O'Reilly lectures on spelling, Arafat!, and Wonkette fellow-traveler Tom Frank.
News peg of the night: Something about a city in Iraq named Fallujah, we're not really sure. Republican talking point: Did we mention we hate Democrats? Democratic talking point: Well, my Republican friend, you have valid concerns and we respect your opinion.
8: 25PM:The O'Reilly Factor(8PM, FNC). Bill salivates over the battle of Fallujah with authorLarry Cobband, in passing, says what we've been kinda worried about all along:
O'Reilly: "We made a big mistake by fighting Vietnam style battles."
I hear ya, Bill. I hear ya.
8: 32PM:Paula Zahn Now(8PM, CNN). Head vs. head… Religious heads! Rational, secular humanist kinda guy and New Republic writer Peter Beinart vs. Bush-Cheney 2004's token black Christian, the Rev. Peter Watkins.
Zahn: If Bush doesn't heavily push issues evangelical voters care about, they're not coming back to vote Republican in 2008.
Watkins: But they just want security like everyone else.
Zahn (puzzled): Uhh… so… How about Roe v. Wade?
8: 36PM:Countdown With Keith Olbermann(8PM, MSNBC).Arafat!
8: 40PM: CNN.Arafat!
8: 44PM: Fox News.Arafat!
8: 56PM: SchoolmarmBill O'Reillyinstructs his viewers that he loves them all, but if they want to send him e-mail, zey can't right liek thiz. That's right: grammar and spelling lessons from Mr. "Falafel" himself!
9: 00PM:Hannity and Colmes(9PM, FNC).Alan Colmesvs.Jack Kempon how some states are red, some states are blue, and how it's supposed to signify stuff when it really doesn't.
Kemp: "The only truly blue areas were the far left corner of California and the northeast."
Colmes: "I like blue. Blue is my favorite color, Jack."
9: 04PM:Larry King Live(9PM, FNC). The election is over, America can now get back to what it really cares about: Laci Peterson.
9: 20PM:Hardball With Chris Matthews(9PM, MSNBC). The beginning of a full night's pontificating about Bush's "Will of the People" and how it's going to effect Presidential press conferences. When I say for a full night, I mean for a full night.
9: 32PM: MSNBC, Head vs. Head:Jim Warrenof the Chicago Tribune andJim Vandehei, Washington Post.
Jim Warren: "I miss Clinton."
Jim Vandehei: "He (Bush) sometimes sees journalists as a nuisance."
9: 43PM: Hey, there's the queen of the harpies on Hannity and Colmes! No… wait… It's just shrillSen. Kay Bailey Hutchison.
Hannity: "Are there any women who you think can run for President in 2008?"
Hutchison: "Hillary Rodham Clinton, but she is the anticipated choice… There are other very qualified women, you know."
Hannity: "Will you run?"
Hutchison: [stare]
9: 47PM: Hardball. Hey, Jim Warren is still on! Giving Chris Matthew's ego a full falafel rubdown, no less.
Warren: "I think newspapers are in trouble, cable has supplanted them"
Matthews: Thank you, Jim.
9: 54PM: Finally, someone with cool glasses: "Baffler" editor and NYT Op-Ed guyThomas Frankon Hardball. For a grown man, looks suspiciously like one of those emo kids. His message: Read "What's The Matter With Kansas" and the Democratic bloodletting most begin. Now.
Frank: "The Democratic Party is all over the map, while the Republican
platform is clean, simple, and concise."
Matthews: Actually, it's not.
CONCLUSION: Between Arafat and Fallujah, events in the Middle East take the night, soundly defeating Democrats and Republicans with that special mix of ethnic clashes and extreme violence the Mid-East does oh so well.