Wonkette's Week in Review: XXX: The Suffix and the Vitamin Water
* The world gathered around YouTube to "Look at him move, doing the rapping dance. That's true, he's a dancing resident. He is a sidekick to the president." What is his name? MC Rove! Thousands of cats and gerbils were subsequently renamed. Wonkette commenter Cogito Ergo Bibo asked: "Where's Kanye West when you need him?"
* Jim Webb hired a Marine to wander around the Russell Senate Office building reenacting Wolfenstein 3-D. The pistol was unregistered, illegal and that's between Webb and his boy, Mr. President.
* Attorney General Gonzales has real problems now, problems in the form of TEEN GAY SEX RAPE. Sometimes he sings to the boys fromAn American Tail: Fievel Goes Westand sometimes he just inserts his finger up to the knuckle.
* Smithsonian Secretary Lawrence M. Small resigned after getting caught stealing in the ballpark of $2 million dollars. He's since been seen roaming around the National Zoo, calling for Butterstick and singing fromAn American Tail: Fievel Goes West.
* Someone replaced the Google Map satellite images of the Gulf Coast with dressing up like Jaclyn Smith, Charlie.
* Iran to release woman sailor while the men (worth two women each) will remain in custody until Bush says "I'm not touching you" one time too many.
* According toThe Hill, the Rock & Roll Hotel is haunted by a sinking feeling that rock & roll was killed in 1993 by a Smashing Pumpkins record.