Wonkette

We’ll start this very special liveblogging 20 minutes early, because Bush is probably going to speak for two minutes, take no questions, and shuffle back to the executive titty-baby room to cry and eat pretzels. REFRESH CONSTANTLY FOR THE NEXT HOUR OR TWO. Or just leave your crazy ideas in the comments.* Patrick Leahy’s dismissal of the Fielding Offer is now official. “Not constructive, not helpful.”
* Bill Maher has opinions on the news of the day.
* HERE HE IS.
* Oh, he’s just repeating the same bullshit.
* Hey, the bookshelf again!
* Ha, he’s going to “correct the record.”
* Gonzo will testify.
* He’s all proud when he pronounces a three-syllable word correctly. Good work, George!
* Oh shit … he blew it … “I recognize the importance of having ….” Deer in head klieg lights. Fear, eyes darting wildly.
* Now he’s pissed because he screwed up.
* Alberto Gonzales will be Attorney General forever, or until next week.
* It will be “regrettable” if Congress issues subpoenas or has “show trials.” Well, no, actually — show trials would be awesome.
* He “regrets” that firing these U.S. attorneys for pissing off Republicans has led to a “public spectacle.”
* Oh hooray, he’s answering questions!
* “My choice to to, uh, make sure that I, uh, safeguard …. I’m worried … uh, duh ….”
* It is wrong to use Klieg Lights on his administration.
* So what about the U.S. attorneys “actively investigating Republicans”?
* Bush supports Al, that’s what!
* Bush is sorry this has “bubbled to the surface.”
* Bush blames “Washington, D.C.” for all these things somehow becoming public knowledge.
* Again with the fucking Klieg Lights!
* That’s it — less than 10 minutes total.
* Lou Dobbs is on! Hey guess what, guys? Lou has heard about a problem regarding ILLEGAL MEXICANS.
* Happy Spring Equinox, Mexicans!