Reverend Moon Will Find 'Em For Three, Catch 'Em and Kill 'Em For Ten

Boy, just when you think Reverend Sun Myung Moon -- cult leader, Messiah, owner of the WashingtonTimes, and king of the ocean -- can't get any weirder, he goes and becomes a shark poacher.

Federal prosecutors scored a coup last week when Reverend Kevin Thompson, Bay Area leader for the Unification Church -- aka the Moonies -- was sentenced to one year behind bars for running the world's largest baby-leopard-shark poaching ring. But previously undisclosed evidence suggests that the conservative newspaper publisher and church supreme leader Reverend Sun Myung Moon both knew of and encouraged Thompson's illegal operation.

Dudes, the guy is theking of the sea. He can poach any fucking "baby leopard sharks" he wants! He's like a tiny Korean Aquaman with a great deal of influence among American conservatives, you know, those sharkslike it.

 The Man vs. Moon [East Bay Express]