Tucker Carlson Gets Blogger Fired, Rents "Crash"

Fun Fact: If you blog about how Tucker Carlson opened an account at the video store you work at , he will get you fired. 

As Wonkette readers know, Tucker Carlson has been Googling himself a lot recently . And, unsurprisingly, he's not happy with most of the results. We regret that we've received only terse, incomprehensible emails, and haven't had awesome face-to-face exchanges with him like this:

Tucker: If you keep this shit up, I will fucking destroy you.
The Genius (Me): Whoah, perhaps you would like to take this outside where you can continue threatening me without disturbing the other customers.
Tucker: *Looks out the window, then back at me* I am not threatening you.
The Genius: You just said you would fucking destroy me.
Tucker: No, I didn't.

Did this actually happen? The fired blogger mentions that Tucker looks much more "tan" (orange) in real life than on TV, which we noted too. And a guy who just learned to Google himself last month probably hasn't signed up for Netflix yet. So yes, it's probably all true. And we're shocked -- shocked! -- that a cable tv pundit is kind of a dick.

 His Bowtie Knows Where You Sleep... err... Work [Freelance Genius]