Merry War On Christmas From All the Governors!

If the Tennessee Guv’s holiday card was so much fun, surely some other governors sent out cards worth mocking! Here’s what our Exclusive War On Christmas Investigation has found:

North Dakota Governor John Hoeven sent this nostalgic card from the 1970s:

Hoeven’s lovely young daughter went on to star in “One Day at a Time” and marry rocker Eddie Van Halen.

We’ve got a lot more, including another lousy governor’s “painting,” after the jump.

Here’s incoming guv Martin O’Malley of Maryland with his family and a stuffed dog they carry around as a talisman:

Remember these girls, because we have a hunch they’ll be rockin’ Georgetown before long.

Next up, an alleged “painting” by California’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. According to, Arnold “broke out his paint brushes to create the Christmas tree image on his card — similar to the festive fir he painted for his 2005 card.”

While he can’t paint a simple fucking box, Schwarzenegger is a genius when it comes to multiple, complex fonts.

Finally, here’s the bizarre offering from Michigan’s Jennifer Granholm — rife with occult symbolism and apparent Crips and/or Bloods gang signs:

You’re one microscopic cog in her catastrophic plan, designed and directed by her Red Right Hand.

Greetings From the Governors []

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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