A Wonkette operative sent along a fairly straightforward debate drinking game, which we provide for you edification and inebriation after the jump. We, however, can’t wait until Thursday to start drinking, not when there are so many good reasons to start now. So many, in fact, we don’t need an excuse to drink, exactly. . . So anytime:

Anyone tells that story about Bobby Kennedy turning up the thermostat before the Kennedy-Nixon debate: Take a sip of a hot toddy.
Doris Kearns Goodwin mentions Lyndon Johnson: Pee outside.
Someone shows a clip of Al Gore sighing: Recount your chads.
A Republican operative compares Kerry to a classical orator: Drink an ouzo-and-hemlock cocktail.
A Democrat operative uses the phrase “can’t run on his record”: Go to Stetson’s.
A Republican operative cites Kerry’s prep school debate team experience: Try on a cheerleader outfit.
A Democrat operative says that Bush “has never lost a debate”: Try to look yourself in the eye.
Someone plays the “you’re no Jack Kennedy” clip: Lose anyway.
Someone proclaims that “the entire race may come down to this”: Move to Canada.

Start drinking for real after the jump.

Drink One Sip If:
Anyone says “terrorism”
Anyone says “Halliburton”
Anyone says “flip flop”
Anyone says “Saddam Hussein”
Anyone blames “the media”
Anyone mentions their own military service
Anyone says “September 11”
One candidate interrupts another candidate

Drink Two Sips If:
Bush says “cut and run”
Kerry says “W stands for wrong”
Either candidate talks past their time limit
Kerry brings up Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” moment
Bush mentions Crawford, TX
Anyone looks at the wrong camera
Anyone whips out “evidence”
Anyone says “Osama bin Laden”
Anyone mentions blogs
Anyone invokes the hurricane sympathy vote
Anyone mentions “North Korea”
Kerry mentions Bush wants to reinstate the draft
Everytime you see anyone wearing the yellow “LiveSTRONG” bracelet

Finish Your Glass If:
Anyone in the audience gets dragged out of the auditorium
Anyone in the audience gets off an unscripted question
Bush mispronounces any word or name
Anyone says “Osama bin Hidin'”
Anyone uses a sports metaphor
Anyone attempts to speak Spanish to pander to Latinos

Do a Shot If:
Bush mentions the deficit
Bush accuses Kerry of being “French on terrorism”
Kerry accuses Bush of being a pansy for avoiding Vietnam
Bush admits he made a mistake (“miscalculation” counts)
Ralph Nader shows up insisting on airtime

Finish the Bottle If:
Anyone challenges anyone to a duel
The moderator rips off his mask to reveal his true identity is Karl Rove

Donate with CCDonate with CC
Previous articleI Went to the Ronald Reagan Awards Gala and All I Got Was this Lousy Turncoat
Next articlePreview of Coming Attractions