We get uneasy when the only White House official still in Washington is Greg Pitts, who was just flown home after being pummeled outside a Honolulu bar. So where did everybody go? Here’s the scorecard:
* George W. Bush: Estonia, even though the actual NATO summit is in neighboring Latvia.
* Condoleeza Rice: Supposedly in Egypt, talking to “the Egyptians,” but there’s no news anywhere to confirm this.
* Dick Cheney: Supposedly returning to United States after secret trips to Saudi Arabia and, for some reason, Ireland.
* Karl Rove: Possibly murdered with rare radioactive elements; whereabouts unknown.
* Henry Paulson: Fled Treasury as stock market and U.S. dollar collapsed today; allegedly headed for London.
* Bush Twins: Possibly being kicked out of Argentina.
* Laura Bush: Left alone at the White House to deal with the goddamned giant Christmas tree.