Here’s your BREAKING UPDATE on the Bush Twins’ Argentine Adventure, featuring abandoned presidential daughters and possible assassination attempts:
Barbara made headlines last week when she was robbed in a Buenos Aires restaurant; somebody apparently made off with her purse and cell phone. Secret Service agents claimed they “remotely erased” the mobile’s memory, thus denying America the naked drunken Bush Twins photos we so desperately need in these dark times. (But there’s no reason to believe the twins’ Secret Service detail, as the agents didn’t even notice the purse-snatching, because they were too busy being savagely beaten in the streets.)
Unfazed by the chaos and crime, the sisters continued their rampage because they were celebrating their 25th birthdays — and possibly preparing an escaped-Nazi-style South American lair for their soon-to-be deposed father. Lots more, after the jump.
Did the Secret Service team just get on a plane and went home after the robbery, because ABC News producer Joe Goldman was able to walk right up to the twins in the lobby and “directly engage” Barbara as she screwed around on the Internet. Jenna was apparently
drinking “talking with friends” nearby on a sofa.
“No Secret Service agents were anywhere to be seen in the lobby,” Goldman writes on the ABC News Blotter.
That probably means we can dismiss the crazy story in the Blotter’s (now deleted) comments about the failed assassination attempt on the twins … or, we can logically conclude the Secret Service is now trying to get somebody to shoot Barbara and Jenna.
It was an assassination attempt and the press has concocted this highly implausible version to cover up what really happened. She was down there as part of the deal to acquire a huge tract of land in Paraguay for her daddy and his family down there.
In any case, the Argentine Adventure appears to be over — at least for Barbara, who reportedly departed the country on American Airlines flight 956 last night. Don’t let us down, Jenna … let the party continue!