- There’s really only one story worth remembering this week and it’s not Michelle Malkin’s church camp bikini shot. No, we’re talking about the story that made ABC’s Brian Ross say the words “a little horny.” Rep. Mark Foley, chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, enjoys cybersex with teens. Foley resigned Friday as every journalist in America slobbered over the IM transcripts like Kate Moss on Pete Doherty’s cocaine slathered dick. UPDATE! John A. Boehner and Speaker J. Dennis Hastert were in on Mark Foley’s teen sex party.
- Don’t lose your erection just yet. Randall Casseday, former HR director for the Washington Times was arrested in a federal sting this week for attempted kiddie-fucking. Randall dyed his (pubic?) hair a “sort of creepy brownish/carrot orange” because that’s how the kids like it. You know, like Carrottop. Kids love Carrottop.
- Justin Zatkoff is a College Republican from Michigan who was the victim of a hate crime this week. He was brutally attacked by muslims or lesbians or women wielding birth control pills, or gay black communists or members of NORML. We’re not yet sure which violent liberal gang beat the poor guy up, but in the mean time College Republicans are advised to travel in groups, at least until the election is over. UPDATE! Zatkoff was shooting star pressed by his own friends, not faggies.
- Etty Allen, 83 years old, is Jewdorable. Her son, however, Senator WTF, cannot bear the thought of foreskin, and gosh darnit the First Amendment says he doesn’t have to. Watch the video, hear the audience boo upon hearing the word “jew.”
- The jury is still out on who most hated black people 40 years ago. George Allen may have put a deer head in a black family’s mailbox and Jim Webb may have driven around Watts pointing unloaded guns at black people. Larry Sabato says he knows a guy who heard Allen use the N-word. Clearly no one learned anything from Amistad.
- The American Prospect loses editor hottie Michael Tomasky. Editor-at-Large Harold Meyerson will do his best, once again, to alienate any remaining readers.
- FoxNews has an instructional video in which a relationship expert suggests college students have lots of sex. It’s that carefree time. But, don’t hook up when you are too drunk, because then you’ll have to do a “walk of shame” and “that’s not cute.” Maybe this is like the time your dad made you smoke a whole pack of Marlboro Reds, but instead of swearing off cigarettes you realized exactly what you wanted to be when you grew up.
- Feels like a month ago, but on Monday some guy drove into the capitol, with a gun and some crack. Not late for a vote, just late for crazy.
December 5, 2013
Week in Review: Strip Down and Relax
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