allenfamily.jpgLadies and Gentlemen, we made sure to wait until the morning’s coffee had been consumed before we posted this, the single creepiest thing you will find on the internet today. Presenting: The George “Macaca” Allen Family Portrait, as it appears (4 ft long and 5ft tall!) in Senator Allen’s Mt. Vernon home and (slightly smaller) in the new issue of something called “Washington Spaces” magazine.

At left, the Man Who Won’t Be President prepares to throw a “long bomb,” if you will, at, uh… the creepy one-legged ukulele player maybe. Or that dead-eyed singer who looks remarkably like his dead-eyed wife (seated directly to the right of Allen, in Capri Hammer Pants). Wait, we just realized the singer is his older daughter. His younger daughter is the little Children of the Corn sprite at Wifey’s side. Seated at right, Allen’s son (the one named after this great American hero) receives a sort of combination regrettable senior picture plus county fair caricature treatment (so — you like “rock and roll,” Forrest? ‘Course you do!). And they’re all trapped in some sort of hellish, washed-out, post-apocalyptic On the Beach-meets-Margaritaville scenario. A different kind of family portrait indeed.

The full-sized portrait, including an explanation of its origins, is after the jump. to enlarge. Then, add your own half-buried Statue of Liberty!

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  1. When I read the text, it appears to be a 4 inch by 6 inch painting (that the what ” means, right? ‘ means feet if I’m not too drunk.

    The only other comment is the ground is painted like footpaths in Mykonos, which is well known to the Closeted Conservatives who want to meet gayz. Please come!

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