Wonkette

Poor Chris Bell! Starting with the handicap of being a Texas Democrat running against an incumbent, and further stymied by the need to battle “Grandma” and the world’s most famous Jewish cowboy/country singer/mystery novelist, he’s had to resort to desperate measures: THE EXPERIMENTAL GROWTH SERUM!

Opponents charged that Texas couldn’t afford the new 700-foot-high governor’s mansion that would be needed to house the freakishly mutated Bell without substantial tax hikes.