Wonkette

* Jonah Goldberg really wants some holographic technology, ’cause regular internet porn just isn’t doing it for him any more. [The National Review]* “Dick Cheney’s a barely human, oozing, feces-covered demi-gorgon who rips the heads off ducklings just for sport.” That, and uh, Lee Siegel likes licking blogger scrotum. [Rude Pundit]

* Dick Cheney will lick John King’s blood stain off his boots if he asks him one more question about “that damn gay book Mary wrote.” [The Petrelis Files]

* The Guardian newspaper: the British curmudgeon’s first place for news. [PSFK]

* The kind of mad libs the White House press corps plays on those middle-of-the-night flights to Iraq. [Concurring Opinions]

* Utah congressional candidate John Jacob knows that he’d be swimming in cash, Scrooge McDuck style, if it wasn’t for, uh, Satan. [Salt Lake City Tribune]

* Beware the heavenly power of the Blogfather! [Red State]