Your Dustee Tucker-related submissions only grow more brilliant by the day. We have no way of independently verifying them, so we offer them with the caveat that perhaps they’re completely fabricated.
But this latest one has the ring of frightening truth to it. After the jump, a Dustee-obsessed reader’s encounter with the object of his desire, at a local area Starbucks.
Caveat lector. But even if it’s made up, we have to give our correspondent credit — it’s highly entertaining!
So here it is:
I skim Wonkette on a regular basis, but I must confess, the Dustee Tucker saga has me hitting the refresh button. Sure, she’s hot, but she also seems to have an “it” factor that keeps me wanting more. This weekend, I experienced the real Dustee Tucker, in the flesh, and she is worth all the hype.
Backtrack to Saturday morning. I am sitting in the Starbucks on 15 St when a very attractive woman with long hair and a killer tan walks in. I look up as everyone in the place looks up. There’s something about the way she carried herself that had me burning my tongue on my cappuccino. I immediately thought I recognized her but then I knew it must be a mistake, I’d never forget a girl like this.
As she approached the counter, the employee grinned from ear to ear, leaned in for a a high five and said “Miss Dustee, we’ve been missing you.” She gave him a million dollar smile and asked about his girlfriend and his grades as he delivered her tall, skim almond latte.
When she headed for the condiment counter, I knew I had to make my move. As I approached, heart beating faster, I struggled to come up with something brilliant. But the moment I looked into those big eyes, I joined the village idiots.
Me: Hi, hate to bother you but is your name Dustee?
Her: (Not looking up) Yes, may I help you?
Me: Well, we haven’t exactly met before but I feel like I know you.
Her: (Hesitating as she adds cinnamon to her drink.) Really???
Me: Well, sort of. PAUSE So, rough week? (Shit! Strike one. Open mouth, insert foot!)
She looks straight at me taken aback but then cocks the sexiest half grin I have ever seen.
Her: Well, I’m sure you heard the Mavericks lost game five and game six. Now we have to play game seven in San Antonio, which will no doubt be a nail bitter so yes, it has been a rough week.
Me: (So she’s pretty and witty…nice.) I did hear something about that. So, what’s that you’re reading?
Her: (Stirring her drink) The Dream and the Nightmare.
Me: (At a total loss, I’m so uncool that I am just now getting around to Da Vinci Code. Strike two.) Sounds interesting. So, can I ask you a question?
She then looks up at me with a serious face that makes me want to wrap my arms around her. I even consider it for a brief second but then I lock eyes with the guy behind the counter who looks ready to pounce.
Her: You may, but I may not answer, and that will make your third question for the morning. You are, after all, a stranger so that’s my limit for today.
Me: (Laughing) Fair enough, I know all of this can’t be that much fun for you.
Her: Let’s just say I’m not pigging out on chips and salsa in public these days. (Big smile)
Me: I laugh and stare. (I am struck by how much she looks like a porcelain doll) Are your eyes hazel, they almost look gold?
Her: Is that your question?
Me: No! PAUSE. (I’m going for it) What would be your dream date, for a first date?
Her: (Laughing) Is that seriously your question?
Me: Yes, I am trying to figure out how to win your heart and I seem to have a lot of competition.
Her: Hmmm…The things I’m being asked these days…Well, I guess great seats, including cheesy souvenirs, at the Redskins, Cowboys game followed by really good Mexican food and margaritas. Yes, I think that would be it.
Me: I would have taken you for a fancy dinner and a concert or a walk on the beach.
Her: (That sexy, melt your heart, half smile again) I guess this just proves that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
As I stare helplessly, wondering how to get my hands on Redskins tickets she politely excuses herself and heads for the door.
Me: (Panicked.) Wait! I didn’t get your phone number.
Her: (Looks back from the door and gives me a wink.) Only three questions, remember? Enjoy your afternoon.
I am left counting the days until November 5 and visiting Starbucks on a regular basis hoping for another sighting of my dream girl.