Wonkette’s Week in Review: Bitch Slaps and Wiretaps

* The Senate confirmation hearings for soon-to-be CIA Director Michael Hayden began this week. In the great tradition of the adult film industry, there will be two versions of the hearing; one for cable and one for pay-per-view, er, Senate Members’ Ears Only. We were actually pretty relieved that the hardcore hearings were closed, that shit was long enough. Finally, the denouement: he’s an idiot.

* While the doors were shut on the on the double-extra secret intelligence hearings, the Congressional Catfight kept rolling on. The matches really started getting close. The combatants were fighting (capped) tooth and (manicured) nail.

* Tony Snow gave his first televised press briefing this week. It was about as funny as – cancer.

* Anyway, back to the stuff that matters. The catfight between Katherine Harris and Barney Frank was so close it confusingly fucked up our software. Time for a runoff! Which of these two house-side hustlers is the more stylish flirt? You voted, we crunched the numbers, and Katy found that it’s hard to keep your feet dry when you’re kicking in skulls!

* Readers hungry after the initial taste of blood got us to add a wild card spot to the catfight.

* The Harris vs. Pelosi “Battle of the Botox” is still raging; voting ends Monday.

* We threw our considerable political clout behind two pairs a pair of lovely ladies. One wants to be the governor of Nevada, and the other wants more girl-on-girl action in Sacramento.

* Meanwhile, from the “no news is no news” file: the Watergategate scandal continues to simmer, Karl Rove is still not indicted, and the immigration debate continues to rage (with President Bush giving a boring speech that didn’t really please anyone).

* That crazy science. One minute pollution is slowly causing the Earth to cook us to death, the next — CARBON DIOXIDE: WE CALL IT LIFE.