Metro Section: Broke and Starving (In More Ways Than One)

* Thanks arcane Massachusetts state holiday! We needed that extra day to sober up and write the little tiny numbers in the little tiny boxes. [IRS]

* Strawberry fields forever, or at least until some really stoned freshmen show up. [UMD News Desk]

* Yes padawan, in order to be a starfucker, you must first be a local-politician’s-hangers-on fucker. [Circle V]

* Your completely pointless activity of the week is brought to you by: [DC Pillow Fight Club]