Love! Betrayal! Scandal! Sex! Lobbying! Man, this Wall Street Journal story has everything. It is more or less the quintessential Wonkette story (missing only intimations of homosexuality and references to sodomy — which we will work on rectifying).
Michael Scanlon — we’ve spread some unverified gossip about him in the past, as well as (hey, we’ve already hit the first target) accusing him of being a bit swishy — earned our everlasting love and affection back in January, when it was revealed that he’d brought the whole mess down on himself by banging his manicurist, causing his power-player fiance Emily Miller to go to the feds. Now here’s something our Rehoboth Beach operatives need to clarify for us: the Journal refers to the second Mrs. Scanlon as a “waitress,” which is so less trashy/awesome than manicurist (though still pretty trashy/awesome). Anyway, Wonkette readers should know this story already, but the Journal fleshes it out.
Three weeks after Mr. Scanlon got married, Ms. Miller was a bridesmaid at the Houston wedding of another former DeLay aide. Ms. Miller confessed to friends at the reception that she had helped Mr. Scanlon spread negative stories about Mr. Rudy, according to people who attended. When she saw Mr. DeLay and his wife, Ms. Miller tearfully apologized and said she had been used as a pawn in Mr. Scanlon’s fight with Mr. Rudy, to whom she also expressed remorse.
Mr. DeLay accepted Ms. Miller’s apology, according to wedding guests, and embraced her, saying: “We are all a part of the DeLay family.” A DeLay spokeswoman, Shannon Flaherty, said Mr. DeLay couldn’t recall his exact words.
Ok, creepiest thing in the whole article right there. Basically, from there, Miller went flying into the sisterly arms of Scanlon’s first wife, and the two of them got all First Wives Club and Miller was all “how does he amass such bling when he never seems to do any work” and then they’re all “let’s ask a yoga instructor” and then they go to the FBI, and man, we love this story. Christ, you gotta think Abramoff is just pissed at Scanlon for letting his wandering dick basically destroy them both. Actually, you can just ask him how he feels. The Journal didn’t, but friend-of-Wonkette Kim Eisler did.
Jack Abramoff’s (EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT WONKETTE) response:
“She tried to blow up me and scanlon, but blew up the entire Capitol instead.”
Oh, dude. That’s the tagline. You totally wrote Red Scorpion. (We still love ya, Jack!)