Of The Times‘ two pieces on the Abramoff scandal today, the “hard news” one strikes us as rather less interesting than the fluff. The big story is one about Chief Garza’s superfun blind date with the President — which apparently set him back $25k. And, uh, good reporting and all, and we always like to hear what Grover Norquist is up to, but, well, is anyone surprised? Anyone? $25k can net you a grip-and-grimace with the Commander in Chief. Pay off the right people, and you, too, can have your picture taken with Sparky the Sea Lion. This is news?
No, the second piece, on Jack’s BMW, is so best. Check out this guy’s ride:
Mr. Abramoff spent $19,995 for a “custom-built, 15.2-inch-wide screen and manual flip-down video monitor,” an invoice says.
“Monitor includes built-in cordless headphone transmitters” it says, adding, “Monitor is capable of displaying DVD, Game and Computer graphics/video signals.”
For $7,390, he added a hands-free cellphone system, with a special antenna amplifier to boost the signal, and a docking station for his laptop built into the back of the right front seat. The system was configured to use the overhead screen and could take commands from a wireless keyboard.
Mr. Abramoff also paid $6,495 for seat-back tables.
“These handmade tables are duplicate versions of vintage Rolls-Royce designs,” the invoice says. “Perfect for children or mobile office applications.”
While DVD players are now common in cars, Mr. Abramoff’s was set into a custom-made console trimmed in wood veneer and leather. The price for player and console, installed, was $4,495.
To evade police speed traps, the car was equipped with a radar detector designed to perform over hills, around corners and across distances of several miles. The unit was “mounted and etched into rearview mirror” and was augmented by a pair of “laser diffusers” in front and back to avoid detection further.
Holy shit! And that’s not even mentioning the rims! You know he was getting that shit set up with hydraulics when the indictments came down. And they’re all perfectly justified expenses, if you ask us. If you’re on the market for a lobbyist, who you gonna pick — some punk-ass bitch in a Honda or the guy who rolls up a tricked-out Beemer? Jack Abramoff ain’t a businessman, he’s a business, man.