Tag: weed

Chief Narc Jeff Sessions To Lock YOU Up, For Doing Jazz And Reefer

Nobody likes a narc, Jeff.

SIXTY THREE People Arrested for ONE Bag of Weed In NOT AT ALL RACIST Party Bust

Bringing in 2018 with a bang AND a bust!

Once Jeff Sessions Ends Scourge Of Legal Weed, All The Violent Crime Will Go Away

Marijuana is a driver of 'violent crime'? Duuuude, that's not right.

Top Narc Jeff Sessions Coming For Your Devil Weed, Hippies!

This aggression will not stand, man.

Jeff Sessions Can’t Pee Test Everyone In D.C. Your Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 20, 2017

Patriots in the White House, Jesus doesn't love horndog gov Robert Bentley, and Rexxon is full steam ahead. Your morning news brief!

Trump Will Be A Great Wartime President! The Best! Wonkagenda For Fri., March 17, 2017

Trump's going to kill Big Bird and the olds, Paul Ryan MIGHT raise the debt ceiling, and Hannity pulls a gun! Your morning news brief!

Civil Rights Nice Time! Oakland Bogarts All Pot Permits For Black People Arrested In War On Drugs!

The Oakland City Council is using pot permits to undo some of the excesses of the War on Drugs. Freakin' California, what'll they think of next?

The Humble Hannity? Your Wonkagenda, November 2, 2016

Donald Trump's pervy sex novel, Bernie Sanders burns big pharma, and a Texas A.G. learns all about Twitter. Your Morning News Brief!
What are we supposed to do with these finger puppets? What are 'fingers' anyway?

Wonkagenda: Friday, August 12, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Malia Obama Spotted Inhaling Devil Drugs, Don’t Tell Her Mom And Dad!

Um, guys, can we let Malia Obama be a normal 18-year-old kid?

Fox Doc Keith Ablow Being A Jerk To All The Lazy, Potted-Up Millennials. That Is Wonkette’s Job!

Snotnosed Millennial brat thinks "Dr." Keith Ablow is not even the boss of him, whatever.
Everybody must get stoned

Sexxxy Richard Branson Says UN Should Drop Drug Policy Of ‘Keep Hitting Yourself’

Richard Branson, famous rich person and repository of some of the world's remaining sexxxiness reserves since the passing of Prince (PBUH), is so MAD, you guys, about the latest United Nations Drug Policy Agreement that just came out. Branson, the billionaire...
Abbie Hoffman would be so disappointed

Clumsy Trump Protester Assaults Pavement With Own Face

The violence at Trump rallies took a surprising turn this week outside his rally in Janesville, Wisconsin. In addition to the still-unidentified (yes, still) jerk who pepper-sprayed a 15-year-old girl, we also have this indisputable proof that Both Sides...

Parents, It Is Unseemly To Brawl With One Another Over Easter Eggs

You know what kind of people are the literal worst? Parents. Now, we are sure that those among you who have spawned are protesting and saying no no no, perhaps OTHER breeding types are bad people but you yourself...

How Do You Find Medical Marijuana In Faraway Lands? There’s A Website For That!

Greetings Wonkerinos, we bring you glad tidings of great joy, and also legal medical marijuana, which, SCIENCE FACT, is a thing, at least in certain parts of the country! But what happens if you are, say, a human creature...

Pissed Off God Levels Toledo For Failing To Elect Prophetess Opal Covey Mayor

Hey, Toledo, whatcha doin? Not smoking legal pot? WE HEARD. And we also heard you had "reasons" for not legalizing it. Whatever, you do you, with your "principles." But we aren't even having this conversation right now, Toledo, because...