Tag: water

Trump Will Save Puerto Rico And California Soon As He’s Done Writing These Terrific Tweets

Maybe if the wildfires and hurricanes said more nice things about Donald Trump...

Donald Trump Appreciates The Congrats On Tremendous Job He’s Doing In Puerto Rico!

Puerto Rico is in crisis, and why is everyone being so mean to Donald Trump?

Michigan Officials Charged With Poisoning People To Death In Flint. Good.

WONKERS! WONKERS WE HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE! IT IS A NICE TIME! OK so you remember how we live in just the greatest nation in the world and we are a shining city on a hill and also we are...

White People Meeting, Tonight, 4 PM, Olive Garden

Fellow white people, we have to talk about this motherfucker in Flint.
dear leader plz don't steal our emails

Glorious Leader Cures Cancer Forever with Evian

North Korean leader Kim Jon-un has revealed a miracle cancer cure: springwater that has "smaller molecules." See? Commies don't need filthy capitalism to be charlatans!

Residents Of Mississippi Can Now Also Enjoy Delicious Lead-Filled Water

If there is a silver lining to finding out that pretty much all of Flint's water infrastructure is literally lead-lined, it is the fact that we have now learned that oodles of other cities have terrible semi-deadly water supplies!...
We won't, we promise.

Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder Outraged Feds Let Him Poison Children Of Flint

Raise your glass for Rick Snyder, Michigan's governor from the party of small government and personal responsibility. Now that he's been made aware that state officials have been aware for quite some time that Flint citizens have been drinking poisoned...

Flint Office Workers Got Delicious Bottled Water While Residents Guzzled Lead

On a scale of "one to rending your garments because Donald Trump actually becomes president," how mad are you already today? Maybe a six or so? Cool. We're here to nudge you up the scale, because we bring you...
Ready for her close-up

Of Course Fake ‘Black’ Lady Will Get Reality TV Show Now, Because America

In our noble and oh-so-exceptional country, panels of men explain how ladies and their parts work, "not a scientist" politicians teach us about science and how it's all fake anyway, and people who think we're the U.S. of Jesus tell Jews how to...
DJ Pootsalot

Moby Says You Can Eat That Cheeseburger, As Long As You Never Shower Again

It's time for another edition of Adorable Liberals Coming Up With Cute Ways To Fix Real Problems. You see, California ain't got no water, because of a drought, because there are too many people living there for the meager...
A little arsenic never killed anybody, oh wait it did?

Lame California Hippies Don’t Want Industrial Waste In One Glass Of Water They Have Left

  California has no water, basically, because of liberal lies like "climate change" and "a bad drought." Or maybe there is no water because nature-worshippers stole all of it, to give it to fish. WHATEVER happened, there's not much left,...

Water Crisis: Filthy, Liquid Death In Montana, Washington, Kiev, Everywhere!

This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once From an oil spill of 50,000 gallons in the Yellowstone river to a federal ruling on an "imminent and substantial" health threat in East Washington...
This is a man who knows about conspiracies

BREAKING: Jesse Ventura Wrong About Nazi Water Fluoridation

Of the many things that you may have been worried about this week, the good fact-checkers at Politifact would like to free you of one possible source of anxiety: No, the practice of water fluoridation did not begin in...
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah’s Deeply Weird Ice Bucket Challenge

A man gave us money to watch the Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge! It's the viral video sensation that's blowin' up your teen's sexxxphone, or it would be if teenagers still used...

An Open Letter To People Who Water Their Lawns During A Drought

Dear Neighbors: Hello. Hi. How are you? I'm fine. Well, actually, that's a lie. I am not fine. I am enraged. I am livid. I am ready to freak the fuck out. Why? Because we're in the midst of the...