Tag: washington times

‘The Left’ Is Anti-Science Because Of Hippies, Says New Dumb Book

Hey, there, fellow leftists! Hope you're all having a great day eating organic arugula, liberating lab animals from a university research facility, and withholding your children from getting vaccinated! Because it turns out that, despite the...

Washington Times Stakes Out DNC Prayer Room; Bothers, Judges People

Happy Sunday, everyone! Except those of you who are Democrats, because you obviously hate God so much you will boo His name. You do you not get a happy Sunday, and you will only get one when you pray...

Mitt Romney Eats Muffins Like A Precious, Fussy Little Child

This marks the week of Reclaiming Mitt Romney, in which he gives out lots and lots of interviews to show how beneath the cold, awkward, moderately inhuman exterior, he is a cold, awkward, moderately inhuman person who is competent...

Moonie Times: Obama Plays Golf One Billion Hours Per Day

DC's favorite Korean cult newspaper The Washington Times is celebrating President Obama's 100th round of golf as president by putting this in fascinating mathematical context: "The next time President Obama hits the links, it will be his 100th round...

Moonie Times Columnist Has Many Nuanced, Reasonable Opinions About Bikesharing

DC's Capital Bikeshare program, for which you pay a fee to join and then ride bikes to and from docking stations across the city, is a popular thing that keeps enlisting new members and expanding. Its success is leading...

Corrections: Your Wonkette’s Week In Mistakes

In the story "Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: 'Are You a Moonie?'" we referred to idiot reporter Kerry Picket as him, he, his, etc. We are sorry to report that Kerry Picket is in fact a woman. This...

Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: ‘Are You a Moonie?’

California Governor Jerry Brown dealt with some hack Washington Times reporter in the exact way all elected officials should deal with Washington Times reporters: by repeatedly correcting him on basic facts, pointing and laughing in his (presumably fat and...

Moonie Times: Weiner Maybe Showed His Weiner Because He’s Secretly Muslim

How is crazyland? Still crazy! Here's what the Washington Times posted about a well-known Jewish man from New York: Given the defense articulated by the Imam, which would be offered only for a Muslim man, we must believe this opportunity...

Wicked Witch Of the Left Casts Hex On John Dennis

A video game from 1998 CONCLUSIVELY PROVES that Marxism is a lie. The Huffington Post and some Islamaphobe blog are in a juicy spat because HuffPo reported the Islamaphobe’s Islamaphobic ads were taken down when they were actually...

Barack Obama’s a New Black Panther

Mark your calendars! At this Friday's hearing of the "Civil Rights Commission" or whatever, some lawyer from the Department of Justice will tell lies and cover up the truth about why Minister of Justice Eric Holder dropped federal voter...

MOONIE MASSACRE: Local videographer and delightful monster Liz Glover tells your Wonkette that she has just been laid off from the Washington Times, along with most other employees. Sorry/Hooray, Liz!

WashTimes To Staff: Uhh… Good News And Bad News?

The Moonie Times' critically mocked real-life adaptation of King Lear appears to have reached its fifth act, where Rev. Moon expands his kingdom into the burgeoning Mass Funeral sector and then fucks off to Paraguay to die. The Washington...

IT'S NOT OBAMA'S FAULT THAT HE WAS BORN A SAVAGE AFRICAN LION, OKAY? The Washington Times could shut down any day, so its columnists have precious little time to liquidate their massive inventories of Insane Racism! In his column...

Moonie Times Editor Is Officially Gone, As Moonie Brothers Continue Fighting

John Solomon, the beloved human brought in a couple of years ago to serve as executive editor of the Washington Times, and possibly save it (?), has come to the following conclusion: fuck this shit, I'm out. He has...

WashTimes, Just Call It A Day

It sure would be funny if the Washington Times went out of business, except for the poor local reporters and stuff, and Liz Glover, who would be sent to live with Barbara Bush and the Reverend Moon in Paraguay....

MOONIES ON ICE: The Washington Moonie Times newspaper of Washington is firing everyone. EVERYONE! That means the president & publisher, CFO, and chairman. What person in a company can fire a president, publisher, CFO, and chairman? Perhaps the...