Tag: washington times

Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate

Hey, kids, here's a big surprise! Ron Paul thinks it's high time for patriots to stop letting the federal government push them around, what with its "laws" and "healthcare mandate" and all that. What's more, he thinks that there's...

In Outbreak Of Editorial Judgment, Washington Times Drops Rand Paul’s Column Because He Can’t Stop Copying

The Washington Times, a scabrous rag, actually wrote something we agree with -- a farewell note to Senator Rand Paul, whose column for the paper will be ended following multiple accusations of plagiarism, including a recent column for that...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cache Of Crazy

Happy Saturday, Wonkaroonies, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, where we stomp on a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite enough to do a full post on, to squeeze out...

Oh Yeah, We Should Definitely Give An Extra Two United States Senators To ‘Northern Colorado’

What is up, "Northern Colorado"? Oh, you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of having those elitist cosmopolitans from Denver and, um ... Colorado Springs we guess? ... ramming their sneering liberalness down your throats? (WITH...

‘The Left’ Is Anti-Science Because Of Hippies, Says New Dumb Book

Hey, there, fellow leftists! Hope you're all having a great day eating organic arugula, liberating lab animals from a university research facility, and withholding your children from getting vaccinated! Because it turns out that, despite the...

Washington Times Stakes Out DNC Prayer Room; Bothers, Judges People

Happy Sunday, everyone! Except those of you who are Democrats, because you obviously hate God so much you will boo His name. You do you not get a happy Sunday, and you will only get one when you pray...

Mitt Romney Eats Muffins Like A Precious, Fussy Little Child

This marks the week of Reclaiming Mitt Romney, in which he gives out lots and lots of interviews to show how beneath the cold, awkward, moderately inhuman exterior, he is a cold, awkward, moderately inhuman person who is competent...

Moonie Times: Obama Plays Golf One Billion Hours Per Day

DC's favorite Korean cult newspaper The Washington Times is celebrating President Obama's 100th round of golf as president by putting this in fascinating mathematical context: "The next time President Obama hits the links, it will be his 100th round...

Moonie Times Columnist Has Many Nuanced, Reasonable Opinions About Bikesharing

DC's Capital Bikeshare program, for which you pay a fee to join and then ride bikes to and from docking stations across the city, is a popular thing that keeps enlisting new members and expanding. Its success is leading...

Corrections: Your Wonkette’s Week In Mistakes

In the story "Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: 'Are You a Moonie?'" we referred to idiot reporter Kerry Picket as him, he, his, etc. We are sorry to report that Kerry Picket is in fact a woman. This...

Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: ‘Are You a Moonie?’

California Governor Jerry Brown dealt with some hack Washington Times reporter in the exact way all elected officials should deal with Washington Times reporters: by repeatedly correcting him on basic facts, pointing and laughing in his (presumably fat and...

Moonie Times: Weiner Maybe Showed His Weiner Because He’s Secretly Muslim

How is crazyland? Still crazy! Here's what the Washington Times posted about a well-known Jewish man from New York: Given the defense articulated by the Imam, which would be offered only for a Muslim man, we must believe this opportunity...

Wicked Witch Of the Left Casts Hex On John Dennis

A video game from 1998 CONCLUSIVELY PROVES that Marxism is a lie. The Huffington Post and some Islamaphobe blog are in a juicy spat because HuffPo reported the Islamaphobe’s Islamaphobic ads were taken down when they were actually...

Barack Obama’s a New Black Panther

Mark your calendars! At this Friday's hearing of the "Civil Rights Commission" or whatever, some lawyer from the Department of Justice will tell lies and cover up the truth about why Minister of Justice Eric Holder dropped federal voter...

MOONIE MASSACRE: Local videographer and delightful monster Liz Glover tells your Wonkette that she has just been laid off from the Washington Times, along with most other employees. Sorry/Hooray, Liz!

WashTimes To Staff: Uhh… Good News And Bad News?

The Moonie Times' critically mocked real-life adaptation of King Lear appears to have reached its fifth act, where Rev. Moon expands his kingdom into the burgeoning Mass Funeral sector and then fucks off to Paraguay to die. The Washington...