Tag: washington times

The right to bare legs is much more fun

Gun News Roundup: Who’s A Nazi Today, Other Than Actual Nazis?

Guns are still legal, but Laura Ingraham ain't looking so good.

On A Scale Of One To Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Wonkagenda For Wed., March 28, 2018

Robert Mueller wants to keep his snitches in jail, Sarah Huckabee Sanders poots some lies about the census, and Sacramento is going to see some UNREST. Your morning news brief.

The ‘Moonies’ Mass-Marrying Their Guns: A Fashion DO!

A weird cult with a lot of guns! What could possibly go wrong?
Just gonna make America great again here

DOJ And FBI Dusting Off Hillary Clinton-Brand Speculum For Double-Headed Investigation!

The Society To Prevent Cruelty To Dead Horses has already lodged a complaint.

Republicans Just Asking If Bernie Sanders Hates Christians, Steals Their Babbies’ Blood

Nobody expected Bernie Sanders to lead the Spanish Inquisition.

Jimmy Kimmel: Babies Shouldn’t Die. Wingnuts: We Are Fucking Monsters, So They Should

Jimmy Kimmel's baby is lucky. His heart defect is only physical.
Looks like he has some experience denying relationships

Ben Carson’s Best Buddy Armstrong Williams Is A Big Ol’ Manrasser! (Allegedly!)

Armstrong Williams, Ben Carson's business manager and longtime advisor, has been accused of sexual harassment by a former employee. Of course we have the icky alleged details!
History's Greatest Monster, 2016 Edition

Justice Department OK With Hillary Clinton Deleting Emails About How She Did Benghazi

Know all those emails where Hillary Clinton was like "Dear Bill and Chelsea: I JUST DID BENGHAZI," and "Sure, Meryl Streep, I am all the way down for brunch, but FIRST I HAVE TO DO BENGHAZI," and "Dear Huma...
No one can take away your right to give the flu to that asshole in the next cubicle

Obama Declares War On Ebola. Wingnuts Discover Ebola Just Misunderstood.

The U.S. government will be sending 3,000 troops to West Africa to help build treatment centers and coordinate services in the fight against the Ebola outbreak. President Obama announced the initiative during a visit to the Centers for Disease...
You know, besides pointing and laughing

CNN Anchor Guy Insults Climate Deniers; Willfully Ignorant F**ksticks Outraged

A special bouquet of greenhouse flowers goes to CNN anchor Bill Weir for the perfect reply to climate change deniers, please. You see, Weir was not terribly impressed with this Fox Nation story (aggregated from the Washington Times) that...

Washington Times: Hillary Clinton Worships Baal Or Zuul Or The Mighty Favog, Probably

This is encouraging! For all of us who wondered how we'll ever get along come 2017, when a new president means we'll be starved of "Obama is a muslin" stories, Washington Times columnist Robert Knight is auditioning a new...

Dammit, Jim, Christine O’Donnell Isn’t A Witch, She’s A Washington Times Columnist (And You)

We suppose we can't really begrudge has-been wingnut idiot and failed 2010 Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell for kicking off her new Washington Times column with yet another variation on the one thing she's actually known for, that dumb...

Washington Times Writer Fears The Devil’s Weed, The Ring-A-Ding-Ding, That Commie FDR

Baboon panniculus Emily Miller of the Washington Times must have been super-jealous that Yr Wonkette already judged S.E. Cupp author of the dumbest column of 2014, because here she is already trying to get us to reconsider. To which...

Moonie Family Values: Rev. Moon Made Washington Times Publisher Raise His Secret Adultery-Baby

We bet you would be really surprised to learn that Sun Myung Moon, the founder of both the Unification Church and the Washington Times, was a bit of a sybaritic horndog when he wasn't busy preaching about the sanctity...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sleaze

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, our weekly collection of cranky crap that wasn't worth a full post, but was too incandescently stoopid to ignore altogether. First up, Bryan Fischer told all his followers on Twitter today to go...

Washington Times Op-Ed: Investigating Scott Walker Based On Leads From Six Criminal Associates Is ‘Political Terrorism’

Judson Phillips is known to your Wonkette as a guy who once wrote that Barack Obama just might be a crack-smoking gay sexer, which was fun. Now he's got some words in the Washington Times (yeah but still) about...