Tag: wagg the bog

Dick Cheney Goes Soft, And Eliot Spitzer Wants To Get Hard

Heavens! The DEBT COLLECTORS are in hot pursuit of America's prized orator, JOE WILSON! Apparently Joe purchased 30,000 "I'm With Myself" tee shirts with his credit card, because he forgot to buy his wife something nice for 9/11. But...

Henry Paulson Has A Protein Spill, And Say Goodbye To Snail Mail

Remember when America was American as APPLE PIE, when you could call your congressman's office and enjoy the patriotic vibrations of MICHELE BACHMANN'S iTunes playlist while you were put on hold? Those days are over, because Caliph of the...

Crop Circles Hate On Obama, And Martha’s Vineyard Rips Hasty Gravity Bong

Oh wow, even ALIENS loathe socialist earthling emperor BARACK OBAMA! Justifiably furious about Obama's tentative plans to euthanize extra terrestrial grannies, ZENSUNNI WANDERERS from the planet ARRAKIS sculpted "Say no to Obama" into a field of Texan weeds, ...

Obama Nationalizes Puppy Care, And Uncle Berlusconi Would Like To Be With You, Alone

Creepy Italian sausage SILVIO "JUST CALL ME PAPI" BERLUSCONI cherishes his privacy. Sì, Berlusconi needs his special alone time, so he can mount meter maids and plow the dickens out of teenage models in peace. But why won't the...

Stephen Hawking Has Groupies, And Leon Panetta Spoons With Congress

Mensa spokesman STEPHEN HAWKING, who would have been murdered with Zyklon B if he lived in the UK, was spotted lunching in DC with a group of EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE -- one of whom was sporting an "American flag...

Professor Newt Pontificates, And Obama Feeds Helen Thomas Cyanide Cupcakes

Professor of Hispanic Studies NEWT GINGRICH -- known in academia for his celebrated dissertation on RACIALISM -- has taken on new intellectual pursuits, namely: comparing stuff, like JIMMY CARTER and BARACK OBAMA. "There are certain parallels that are...

Shaq’s Slam Dunk Twitter, And The Metamorphosis Of The Very Hungry Clinton

Harlem Globegringo WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON stopped by Z Burger in Tenleytown to pick up a light snack. And what did he order? "A double burger, onion rings, french fries, an apple pie milkshake," a piece of chocolate cake, ice...

Meghan Dusts Off Her Dueling Pistols, While Bill Nelson Testifies With His Giant Snake

Meghan McCain Twitter-biographer MEGHAN McCAIN has special maternal feelings for sexy senator LINDSEY GRAHAM (R-SC), who served with distinction as First Mate aboard the Straight Talk Express. The two were practically inseparable on the campaign trail, and during long...

Liberal Heroes Bill Clinton And Matt Yglesias Woo Interns At Hippie Conference

Yesterday Your Diligent Gossip Monger spent literally hours at the CAMPUS PROGRESS NATIONAL CONFERENCE, which was held at a terrible MINOTAUR-INFESTED LABYRINTH known as the Omni Shorem Hotel. 1,400 young communists came from all corners of the Soviet...

Michele Bachmann Deflects a Bi-Curious Meteor, and Robert Gibbs Has Piercings!

Our dear friend ERIC KLEEFELD from Talking Points Memo recently wrote a provocative comic-book review, complete with professional-grade scans! Well guess what Eric? SOMEONE ELSE received a complimentary copy of False Witness: The Michele Bachmann Story, and you're not...

Disgruntled Former Staffer Writes Hot Erotica and Gillibrand Hosts a Kegger

Renaissance Man PAUL WOLFOWITZ was spotted with a hot date last Friday at the Studio Theater. Sources say they overheard Wolfowitz telling his female friend what a marvelous time he was having and how it reminded him of the...

Bush 41’s Babes, Sarah’s Squeeze and a Scary Day At the Museum

YOURS TRULY was enjoying a noontime visit to DC's famous HOLOCAUST MUSEUM with a friend today, only to leave at 12:40 to quench the thirst with a smoothie from TANGYSWEET -- just moments before a WHITE SUPREMACIST ANTI-SEMITE started...