Tag: tsa

if you're not doing anything wrong, then why would you mind?

Department Of Homeland Security Wants To Keep List Of Journalists’ ‘Sentiment.’ THIS IS FINE!

Now don't go making up a bunch of fake news about this story, OK? They're watching you.

Trump Just Deporting The Fuck Out Of Everyone Now

Home Of The Scared

Perfect And Sane Donald Trump Just Saying Mexico About To Attack New Hampshire

Is this the craziest thing Donald Trump has ever said? How do you even measure "craziest"?
Cool Story, Bro

Convict James O’Keefe: Help, I Am Being Treated Like A Convict!

Oh, look at the violence inherent in the system. Just shocking. Oh, oh so sad. The American government is oppressing a crusading journalist, just for making the government look bad. Thanks to the dumb stunt where he waded across...
Two by two, hands of blue

TSA Way Better At Catching Breast Milk Than Terrorists Or Weapons

Next time you're taking off your shoes and getting virtually nekkid in the airport scanner, you might want to keep this little factoid in mind: You're probably receiving closer scrutiny than some of the people working in the airport. The...
D'oh

Senate Unanimously Votes To Protect Us From Terrorists, With Craft Beer

Congress is terrible at getting things done -- and not just because the House and Senate spends so much of the year not being in session. Unless we're talking about dumb, unimportant things like passing empty resolutions or renaming...
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with Brawndo. It's got what plants crave.

Texas GOP Tired Of Getting Arrested For Taking Guns To Airports, Has New Law To Make It OK

Texans sure love guns! And every Texan knows that in this bad old world, the only way to be safe from crimers and killers and haters and Federal Jackboots is to pack heat at all times. But this causes...
Just a few more minutes and we'll be done here!

TSA Fired That Dude Who Fondled Your Hot Peen At The Denver Airport

Remember that time you were a super hot guy and you had to fly out of Denver? You were just going through the line like you always do, but all of a sudden they found an "anomaly," which required...
Just looking out for us

TSA Thinks You Might Be A Terrorist If You Smell Bad

Everyone knows the Transportation Security Administration is our best defense against terrorists doing 9/11 to us again. Or at least protecting us from scantily clad teenage girls, kids in wheelchairs, moms armed with weaponized bottles of breast milk, and those...
Langley, are you SURE this guy had I.D.?

TSA Let A Known Terrorist Fly. Who Was It, Besides Obama?

Today's big Air Travel Freakout is that the Transportation Security Agency apparently allowed someone very bad to board a commercial airliner last year, and they let the very bad person board without taking his very bad shoes off, even...
good wholesome ugh

The Idiot’s Guide To Gun Storage

Hey Wonkette, didn’t we just talk about Idiots With Guns being Idiots With Guns? Yes we did! But since this is America and small children seemingly have greater access to guns than to decent early childhood education, we had ample opportunity to up...

Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever

As gun ownership becomes more about making a half-baked political statement predicated on paranoid delusions and industry propaganda, and less about practical matters like hunting and home defense, it stands to reason that gun owners themselves would display an...

TSA Agent Pretty Sure Washington D.C. Isn’t In America

So let's say it is the dead of summer. And let's say you have to fly to Florida. And not the grown-up fun part of California, like Miami. No, you have to fly through Orlando, land of Mickey Mouse...

Lena Dunham Has TSA Incident, Does Not Appear To Have Become Raving Libertarian Because Of It

Yesterday we realized we are totally digging on the new Seth Meyers show because it is legit funny. Last night, he gave us the gift of some super deluxe entertainment politics crossover clipbait in the form of Lena Dunham...

TSA Has Doubts About Driver’s License From Fakey ‘District Of Columbia’ Place

Not entirely sure how widespread an outrage this is, but the TSA has apparently found some new ways to make air travel just a bit more awful: When Washington DC resident Ashley Brandt was preparing to return home from...