Tag: tiger woods

Just Donald Trump Raw-Dogging A Playboy Model, Sorry About Your Lunch

Trump never wore a bathrobe. Also never had sex with all those women.

What In The Hell Is Rod Rosenstein Flapping His Yap About?

Rod Rosenstein is sending weird memos, Jared Kushner's businesses are under the microscope, and Mike Pence has lawyered up. It's your Russia news!
there's that appleheaded vagina mouth we love so much

Donald Trump Never Grabbed Them By The Dick, So Don’t You Worry About That

OR DID HE? Nah, probably not.
This is what Ted Cruz looks like when he begs for money.

Is Ted Cruz Adulterous Foreign-Born Whore? Maybe!

People, we may have to issue a correction here. We reported at you this morning that Ted Cruz had, for the first time in his life, growed himself a dick. Of course, we meant that in the sense that...

Peyton Manning Hires Ari Fleischer To Ensure No One Believes A Word He Says

Over the weekend, a big thing happened in sportsball, which you know we are always on top of here at yr Wonkette. Turns out that the freedom-hatersĀ over at Al Jazeera declared jihad on All-American Hero Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton...
Mile High Club

Spirit Airlines Will 69 You In The Sky, Wingnut Outrage To Commence Shortly

The budget carrier Spirit Airlines is having a celebration, and they want YOU to come 69 the friendly skies with them, doesn't that sound like a hot thing you want to cross of your bucket list? They are doing...

Joan Jett, Cloning John Lennon, Naked Scarlett Johansson And Other Stuff That Will Leave You Dead With Joy

We have a double dose of Happy links for you this afternoon because we got drunk and forgot were called away to an urgent meeting yesterday, so you get a two-for today. We told you about how Jon Stewart mocked...

Newsmax Guy Wishes Blacks Would Shut Up Already

So here is your big serving of racial transcendence for today: Kevin Jackson, author of a book with the subtle title The BIG Black Lie: How I Learned The Truth About The Democrat Party, explaining to Newsmax's...

Voice Of Michigan Wolverines Football Thinks Tiger Woods & All The Blacks Should Be Proud Of Fried Chicken Eating Ways

Frank Beckmann, the long-time radio voice of the University of Michigan and severely Caucasian right-wing radio host/newspaper columnist, took time out from his normal activities (holding hands with football coaches and singing Josh Groban songs) to explain to his...

Charles Krauthammer To Bill O’Reilly: Let Obama Golf

Perhaps you were on the Internet lately while the White House Correspondents Association worked itself into a frenzied moan of TRANZPARENCEEEEEEEEY about the truly important issue of the day: that dastardly Nobumer wouldn't let them take pictures of his...

Important People Upset By Lack Of Quiet Hookers

Prostitution is the world's oldest profession. (This is the first False Fact you learn in social studies class; "Hunting" was actually the first profession, followed a few hours later by "Hungry Rentboy.") But in these troubling times, basically every...

Creepy Tiger Woods Steals Actual Art From Mike Gravel

Hooray, a reason to put "Tiger Woods" in a headline! Did you know that he and his dead father and the Nike Corporation are thieves, with their creepy new commercial about how we all need to somberly reflect and...

TIGER WOODS ALSO BONING ARI FLEISCHER: America's Productive Economy: "Two sources in the golf community have told The Post that Ari Fleischer, the former presidential advisor to George W. Bush and the man who was brought in to help...

MADE-UP NEWS STORY IS ALSO FALSE: "A somewhat baffled White House spokesman Tommy Vietor says President Obama did not, in fact, call Tiger Woods to offer support, as was widely reported over the weekend." No no no, he didn't...

Brit Hume Orders Tiger Woods To Abandon Satanism

Brit Hume is very concerned about Tiger Woods's Values, which revolve around having sex with monsters -- out of wedlock! He read on the Wikipedia that Woods is a Buddhist -- a.k.a. El Salvadoro-Mexican quesadilla worship -- and would...

POLITICAL INTERNET ALMOST FULLY UNREADABLE: Jesus goddamn, it's healthy to be frustrated with certain legislative proposals, but more and more enclaves of the liberal Internet are reading like tragic post-op RedState diaries by the hour: "In the past few...