Tag: STFU

My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Take Away Our Liberty

Deleted Comments: Don’t Call Trump Supporters Thugs. They’ll Kick Your Pinko Ass

Greetings, Ye Wonkers! We're back with all the comments that weren't fit to keep printed, and we've got a bit of a backlog to work through. Fortunately, there's no expiration date on deleted comments: They're usually rancid to start...

State of the State of the Union Liveblogging/Drinking Game: Join Us At 9PM (6PM Pacific)

So many of you are asking, in very concerned-sounding emails, whether or not Wonkette will be performing its standard ritual of liveblogging and "a drinking game" on the night of the State of the Union address. COME ON WHAT...

U.S. Wingnuts Ready To Pretend-Attack Norway Bombers/Shooters

Nobody knows what's really going on in Oslo or at the holiday camp island in Norway where a bombing and a shooting have left many people dead, but it's always safe for American Idiots on the Internet to jump...

OMFG Here Is Some Random Person’s ‘Embargoed Remarks’ About the SoTU

DON'T LET ANYBODY KNOW but somehow we got the "embargoed remarks" from some guy, with his opinion of the speech that Obama will give in a few hours. But remember, it's embargoed, so DO NOT TELL ANYONE! Super important!...

Obama State of the Union Will Remind You How He’s ‘Centrist’ Again

The State of the Union address is coming so soon, you guys! It will probably be like every other State of the Union since forever, in that it will be boring political bullshit and not even the people paid...

TSA Announces War On Xmas Against … ‘Insulated Beverage Containers’

Christmas Eve is a very exciting travel day because it's one of the busiest, most insane times to attempt to get on a plane. Plus, the weather is guaranteed to be pretty horrible because it's winter. Also, there's horrific...

NASA Press Release About Space Monsters Led Reckless Bloggers To Mention Space Monsters

Thank the Neutered Dwarf-Gods of Journalism for the Columbia Journalism Review, which has bravely come to the defense of "responsible science reporters," who have all become scientifically butthurt because NASA put out another bullshit press release promising "an astrobiology...

Gross Ohio Democrats Go Topless, Because Rob Portman Is Bad

Hey, people taking off their shirts .... old people, chunky people ... to make, uh, a typically dumb/strained Democrat political point, that actually makes no real sense, and is just gross. Go to a website and the Democratic Party...

Eric Cantor Finally Finds Someone Who Threatened Him: A Mentally Ill Person On YouTube Who Claims To Be God

Hooray for History's Greatest Victim, Eric Cantor! Finally, after police immediately dismissed his bullshit claim that somebody shot up his office (a stray bullet fired at the sky had landed outside his ghetto office in Richmond), authorities have found...

Netroots Terribly Disappointed That Barack Obama Is Not A Communist

Dagnabbit we were assured in no uncertain terms that Barack Obama was an unrepentant Marxist who would "spread the wealth around" and socialize medicine, plus other valuable American industries such as porn and sports teams. Everybody was going to...

Peggy Noonan BRINGS IT In National Review Interview

Hark, what arriveth in our inboxes? It doth verily appear to be a "peggy noonan" Google Alert! What pleasures cometh our way on this Holy Day of Eleckt. We all remember that fateful day in 2006 when Peggy Noonan...

Reporter Tells Epic Tale Of How She Has LIMITED PRESS ACCESS To Walnuts

My friends, this election is not what you think it is. It is not about choosing between two candidates (AND RON PAUL WRITE-IN 4 LBRTY) for the next president. Ha! This election has always been about something more fundamentally...

E-mail From John Kerry