Tag: spending

GOP Rep. So Mad At Takers, Obama For Military Cuts That Aren’t Actually Cuts

If Congress signs off on the Pentagon's latest plans, the US Army will be smaller than it's been since before your grandpa fought at the Battle of the Bulge, Iwo Jima, Pearl Harbor, D-Day, X-Men, and Cracker Barrel, yer...

Fun & Games, Congress-Style: Government Shutdown Edition

Unless you have spent the last week in a hospital because of overdosing on boner pills, you realize that folks in Congress are working harder than usual to ensure the destruction of the American, and possibly global, economy. Our...

GOP Finger-Pointing Blame-Gaming Everyone Possible (Obama) Over This Sequester Nonsense

John Boehner is mad as hell, and he’s not going to take it anymore! So the Smoking Man dragged his rich Corinthian leather hide in front of a room full of reporters to say that the House of Representatives...

Club For Growth Pres Will Now Explain Why Laying Off 47,000 People Will Help The Economy

You know what we DON’T need, especially in this economy? An agency dedicated to spurring economic growth, encouraging exports, and funding investment in local businesses, that’s what. Chris Chocola, a former Republican congressman and current president of the Club...

Jeb Bush, Liberated By His Own Irrelevance, Says GOP Is ‘Short-Sighted’

Remember a very long time ago, during a Republican presidential debate last August (oh my god, TIME), when one of those moderator fellows asked the candidates whether they would reject a debt deal that required 10 dollars in spending...

General Services Administration Head Resigns Over Taxpayer-Funded Vegas Bonanza

General Services Administration head Martha Johnson and two cohorts resigned or were butt-kicked out the door Monday over some really hilarious spending habits of Our Money! What is a General Services Administration? Ms. Johnson might not have even known!...

Tea Partiers Scoff At Government Handouts, Use Them to Buy Stuff

The New York Times created its own little Lifetime movie recently by visiting wonderful, cold, middle-class Chisago County, Minnesota, which gave 57 percent of itself over to Rick Santorum in last week's caucus. There, the reporters asked some Americans...

Rick Santorum Is a Giant Pork Spender, As It Turns Out

Ah, Rick Santorum. Rick, Rick, Rick. After winning the support of 100 evangelical leaders this weekend, the conservative candidate solidified himself as a seriousish contender in the Republican race, which is exciting only because it means the New York...

Expert Fun-Ruiner Barack Obama Outlaws Personalized Mugs

Useless promotional gear is an important part of American culture. After all, the Founding Fathers were all wearing Ovaltine sweatshirts and Livestrong bracelets when they created this country, which is probably why Barack Obama is now doing everything he...

Joe Biden Charging Secret Service $26,400 Annually To Rent His Tool Shed Out Back

While the Obama Administration destroys Social Security and Medicare and "America, basically" to appease Tea Party fanatics employed by the Koch Brothers, Obama's vice president is collecting $26,400 per year in taxpayer money that the Secret Service must pay...

Shutdown-Averting ‘Budget Package’ Actually Increases Spending This Year

Last November, the Teabaggers won the House for the Republicans, which meant government spending and all post-18th century bureaucracy was gone forever, yay. Except, that big budget deal that saved us all from government shutdown? It's going to make...

Delightful Kinko’s Banner Warns Congress Office Visitors a Troll Lives There

This is apparently going to hang in the reception area of Rep. DOCTOR Dan Benishek's congressional office, to warn visitors he may eat their briefcases and papers and will be wearing a short tie that's just as cheap and...

Dearly Departed Spending Omnibus Was Not Fit For This World

Just days after it came into our lives, Harry Reid has given up trying to pass the $1.2-trillion spending omnibus, the greatest proposed legislation in the history of our great country. Reid said he would work with Mitch McConnell...

$1.1 Trillion Spending Bill Greased Up and Ready To Fund Dumb Government

Crisis has been averted: The government will probably not shut down at the end of the week, because Democrats put together a giant spending omnibus thing that will fund it for the next fiscal year. And what's in the...

Peace In, Democracy Out In Afghanistan

NATO is escorting some high-level Taliban leaders that they were previously trying to kill to Kabul so that they will make nice with Hamid Karzai and the Afghan government and we can all go home, hooray! "High-level" does...

John Boehner Demands Weekly Spending Cuts For Eternity

What is America's favorite alcoholic, chain-smokin' orange mutant mumbling about this time? New spending cuts every week, forever! That is his Pledge to America. Also: "Gitmo stays open until the ocean eventually gobbles up Cuba." When this happens it...