Trump's screaming about spies, Rudy's looking into his Magic 8-ball, and Republicans are now blaming your mom for Texas shooting.
Michael Cohen can't take this anymore, Trump calls immigrants animals, and Trump-Russia goes off the fucking rails! Your morning news brief.
Jake Tapper tries to keep Roy Blunt's and Kellyanne Conway's lies straight. But they're nothing compared to 91ul1ani.
Rudy Giuliani goes full Nunberg, Trump dumps on Blankenship, and Gina Haspel tortured decision. Your morning news brief.
A Fox lady gives Rupert Murdoch a FUCKING EARFUL, Republican tax fuckery hits another snag, and the GOP has record LOW RATINGS. Your morning news brief.
Trump endorses a pedophile, Republican senators say stuff about poor people VERY OUT LOUD, and Billy Bush calls bullshit. Your morning news brief.
Robert Mueller is building something big, the FCC is killing net neutrality and the Lifeline, and drunk Floridians! Your morning news brief!
How could Hannity just kill a Keurig, Republicans are trying to push the Trump/Ryan tax cut (for the super rich only), and the NSA's hacker problem. Your morning news brief.
Another mass shooting, both Michael Flynns in trouble, and the Paradise Papers expose Ameros in hiding in Not America. Your morning news brief!
FEMA loses the plot. How's about Congressman Blackwater, Wyoming? And Mike Pence fakes it. Your morning news brief.
Also, SNL is a 'psy-op.' The secret coded spy messages all run after 'Weekend Update,' when no one's watching.
If we cover another story today, it'll probably be Puerto Rico. Otherwise, here are some things that *would* have been news today. Your morning news brief!
TrumpCare rides again, Trump's lawyers do a loud dumb-dumb, and the Emmys took a dump on Trump. Your morning news brief!
Trump-Russia is getting CRAZY, House Freedom Crazies want another crack at the ACA, and the NRA finally has words on Philando Castile. Your morning news brief!
This guy is every bit as smart and sane as Donald Trump.
You should buy this book. That's the tl;dr version.