Tag: sex ed

Trump Admin Wants Your Teenager To Get Pregnant Again

If the federal government has an interest in preventing teen pregnancies, they should be obligated to listen to experts.

Trump And McConnell In Epic Bitchfight. Wonkagenda For Wed., Aug. 23, 2017

Trump holds another rally, the military is holding everything together, and the NRA wants to kill all the cute critters. Your morning news brief!

Sundays With The Christianists: Read This Dumb Comic And Burn Your Ouija Board!

Those crazy kids and their demon-summoning!

Sundays With The Christianists: Comics To Scare Your Teen Away From Porn!

Read this comic and be free of sin! Or at least be one very amused sinner.

Porn Sites Help Utah Kids With Hard Core Sex (Education)

Porn companies step into the breach to teach Utahns sex stuff.
Going directly to hell for making this meme, do not pass go, BRB.

Duggar BFF Bill Gothard Sorry For Doing Rapey Sex To All Those Ladies, On Their Feets

Last week, we told you that, in the shock of the century, creepy rightwinger homeschooling guru Bill Gothard, the man tasked with teaching young sibling diddlewanker Josh Duggar how to keep his hands out of his sisters' no-no spots,...

Dear Jesus, What A Year 2015 Was! A Letter From Michelle Duggar

Dear friends, family, fellow sidehuggers, and Jesus: OHHHHHHHH! WHAT A YEAR THE DUGGARS HAVE HAD! We have been walking strong in the Lord, but sometimes He just throws you a curveball you weren't expecting! For instance, did you know that the...
Check THIS out, kids!

Cure Your Crotch Weasels The Christian Way: Put A Ring On It!

There comes a time in every Christian youngster's life when he or she has a burning case of the crotch weasels and doesn't know what to do. Go to the doctor? Meh, that's for liberals. Go to church? Now you're...

Colorado Town Shocked To Discover Teens Do Sexytime, Even In Colorado

Turns out kids these days, like kids in those days and the days before that too, do sex things, to themselves and to each other. Even in small, wholesome towns where teenagers are still cursed with hormones and interests and...
They're only cuddling to protect each other from the Devil Women.

Dudes Who Wait Until Marriage Bad At Boning, Probably Gay, Says Science

Hey-o, my fellow Christian bro-mies, what are YOU doing? Just staying abstinent until marriage, because you're pretty sure Jesus says no getting your dick wet until you're with whatever lady-wife you pick out at age 19, like a common...
Don't all teens talk like this? Especially on the sidelines of a f'ball game?

Sundays With The Christianists: Let’s Read Some Terrible Pro-Abstinence Comics!

Thanks to the extremely slow delivery process of an online fundagelical ministry, we have finally received a crackerjack prize we ordered back in August: a copy of the fabulous "Truth For Youth Bible," which is full of lies right...
Values Voters arriving.

It’s The Values Voter Summit! Has Grindr Crashed Yet?

Hooray, the Values Voter Summit started Friday morning in Washington ... and you're late! Haha, just kidding, it's never too late to go to a sausage party full of sad, closeted dicks. We woulda been ALL OVER THIS SHIT...
Cucumbers are vicious lovers.

Hooker Dude Wants To Make Sure Teenagers Don’t Do Sex Things To Cucumbers

Once in a while, there is a straight news story that already has a Wonkette headline. This is one of those stories. OH DOES HE? So here is what is happening. There is a Republican state representative in Michigan called...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Let’s Slut It Up With Some Hot Hugging Action!

Are you ready again for your weekly dose of scammery and flimflammery to wash away all those good feelings you've built up over the week? Then welcome again to the Snake Oil Bulletin! Greetings to you, sinners! And a special...
Baby did a bad bad thing.

Jeb Bush: Let’s Get Rid Of Unwed Whores By Making Fun Of Them In Public

Try to contain all your surprise, but Jeb Bush has been A Idiot for a LONG TIME. We know about his recent string of fuckups -- "Knowing what we know of knowing about Iraq and stuff and things, it...

Jizz Causes Lady Cancer, And Other Fun Sex Tips From The Duggars

We've learned so much about the Duggars in the past couple weeks! Of course, we now know, in grisly detail, about how Josh Duggar molested five girls, four of whom were also his co-stars on TLC's 19 Kids And Counting,...