Tag: scooters

Finally, Truck Nutz and Scooters Unite

We've made it to the mountaintop, dear readers. First there were Truck Nutz, the automotive accessory a certain segment of the electorate used to alert others to their tenuous hold on masculinity. Then arose the Scooter People, the Tea...

George H.W. Bush a Scooter Person Now

George W. Bush's father: I have a form of Parkinson's disease, which I don't like. My legs don't move when my brain tells them to. It's very frustrating. But I am in no pain, and I have discovered the amazing...

Tea Party Tards Still Unhappy With (GOP) Congress, Will Protest Again

America's greatest political movement, Sketchy Old White People Driving Their RVs Around On Government Checks, have decided they just can't quit Washington -- so they're coming back for yet another rally. We are super happy to still be on...

400-Pound Woman’s Robbery Foiled When Scooter Gets Stuck; Then She’s Tasered

Scooter crime: Michigan edition. Investigators said Perkins was attempting to leave the Rochester Road Meijer with more than $600 worth of stolen electronic merchandise when her cart got stuck and she was unable to drive out the door. Perkins —...

Scooter Expert Moran Doesn’t Like Being Called a ‘Moran’

Well, fast forward to this afternoon. I couldn’t find the link to the newspaper story so I Googled myself. The first link to the story lead me to Wonkette, a website that specializes in satire. Wonkette spoofed the Times...

In Troubled Economy, Scooter Manufacturing Is Only Successful Industry

Here is an interesting article about fat, old, fat old people and the brave new world of Scooter Law. "We're going to see more and more people riding around in scooters and wheelchairs," said Mike Moran, the executive editor of...

Scooter Crime Hits America’s Best Store

HUNTINGTON -- A man and woman are charged with stealing a motorized shopping cart from Wal-Mart and driving it to and from a neighboring strip club early Monday morning. This is not about West Virginia. This is about the OBAMA...

Fat Old Couple Has ‘Mobility Scooter Fight’ At the Wendy’s Again

Uhh: GREENSBURG, Pa. -- An argument at a Greensburg Wendy's forced several customers to leave the restaurant when a woman began chasing her husband around in her personal mobility scooter, police said. When the police showed up, they cited the slobs...

Scooter Person Asks Us To Stop Being Racist Against Scooter People

If there's one lesson we all must learn, it's that people who ride around on scooters are people too. Granted, they have lost the basic human ability to walk, and would not have survived the world at any point...